Tag: Gratitude

Perspective, Connection, Acceptance

Posted in Discussions & Opinions, Family, Reflections, Salem, UncategorizedTagged , , , , , , 1 Comment

Don’t overlook or devalue the highlights of life,
Blind from the deep shadows of the darker times.
Varying in magnitude, or existing in perfect balance,
Cherish each crest and dip simply for being
And celebrate your ability to experience it.

A stream-of-consciousness list of corresponding emotional points over the last 10 days (May 14-23, 2023):

Mother’s Day, this year, happened to coincide with the 4th anniversary of my Mother’s passing. We were coming home from a weekend away with friends and I chose to quietly honor her memory by myself and not remind others about it. I avoided social media and threw myself into sewing and cleaning once we got home.

After a routine colonoscopy discovered an aggressive form of colon cancer attacking my brother, he went in for surgery to have it removed one year ago today (May 23). The procedure took longer than anticipated, but, by all accounts, was successful and the surgeons were confident they removed all of the cancer. We were all hopeful and thankful. A few hours later, I received a phone call to tell me that he had not woken up from recovery and was non-responsive. He had suffered a massive stroke, but since he was in recovery from the surgery, they were not sure how long his brain had been without oxygen. When they revived him, the cancer care was put to the side while they focused on recovery from the stroke. Months and months of physical, speech and occupational therapy have both shown results and taken their toll, emotionally and financially. Last week, (the Wednesday after Mother’s Day) his PET scan showed that the cancer has metastasized to the lungs, stomach and pelvis. Stage 4. Terminal.
We were all devastated. Within minutes, I had flights and a hotel in my cart and had talked to my boss, but his wife said that they would come up here to see as many people as possible, rather than having people come there. Whichever path he chooses going forward, I will respect it and celebrate his life while he is here to celebrate with.

Last Friday, I went to celebrate a friend’s birthday at Kowloon. We share a love of rum and mid-century pseudo-Polynesian Tiki kitsch, so I was excited to go, especially since the owners had recently announced they were looking to sell the iconic property to a developer and downsize the business to take-out only. It was a fun and wonderful evening, even when we acknowledged it was the anniversary of a friend’s passing 2 years earlier. She had passed very suddenly and unexpectedly, leaving her spouse and small child.

Saturday, I took part in a cabaret fundraiser for the local YMCA. We were raising money to assist children in attending their after school arts programs. It was a fun, “let’s put on a show” – Judy Garland & Andy Rooney kind of affair – a great distraction, and it was wonderful to be on stage again after so long. Our friend’s child takes part in this arts programming, and while it was wonderful to see his filmmaking, and to witness what an amazing, compassionate young man he is becoming, it made me sad to think of his mother not being there, and how he and his surviving parent must feel that emptiness in these situations so keenly.

Sunday, I volunteered for the first ever Salem Cat Scavenger Hunt. I walked around town (14,000+ steps!) assisting teams with hints when they were stuck on clues, and acted as a “bonus” item for anyone that took a picture with me in my cat shirt. Again, it was another welcome distraction from the emotional rollercoaster of the preceding days – this time without a sad undertone. Talking to visitors and hearing their perspectives and thoughts is what brings me back to doing this kind of volunteer work, and cat people (we have 2 now) are a . . . unique, passionate, and quirky group. It was a busy and tiring weekend!

Yesterday (Monday), my husband called me in the middle of the day – a rare occurrence, since he is a teacher and should have been in class. He, very calmly, said to me:

We just had an announcement that there is an active shooter on campus. We were told to ‘get down or get out.’ You never know how these things will go, so I was calling to tell you I love you. The students fled and I am gathering my stuff to leave.

When he hung up, my heart dropped into my stomach and I began to shake. I pulled his contact up on my screen and refreshed the location feature constantly. After 5 minutes of watching his locator not move from his office, I was frantic. He texted me to say that he couldn’t leave. He had tried to go down the stairs, but heard someone yell “Get down on the ground!” below, so he quietly walked back to his office, locked the door, and turned off the lights. For over an hour, neither of us knew what was going on. He was alone and isolated in a dark room with the potential of harm or death at any moment, his only connection to the outside world through text. I was alone in our condo trying to find news reports, waiting for texts from him, and updating the half dozen individual and group chats of friends that had heard about it. In the end, it was a hoax call (swatting) that escalated when a local officer’s gun went off in one of the school bathrooms accidentally. Suddenly, a few local policemen were joined by other town police, a SWAT team, and the State police. He was stuck in the dark office for over an hour while they swept every building, gathered everyone up and escorted them to a central location. We are both home today. He because classes were suspended to make time for counseling and planning; me because I want to be here when he needs to be hugged or needs to talk about it.

He tells the story from his perspective eloquently and in the same calm voice he spoke to me in.

Perspective:
I am (relatively) healthy. My husband is alive and by my side. I am lucky.

Connection:
We have friends and family that care about us and that we care about. Shared experiences and interests can connect us, even if we are strangers.

Acceptance:
Death is inevitable. Safety is never guaranteed. Life/plans/priorities can change in an instant. It can be caused by a medical test, a phone call, a decision made, or through the actions of others.

Salem Visitor Information Booth 2022

Posted in Halloween, History, Salem, SERIES, UncategorizedTagged , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Visitors helped per shift:
10/8 (10am-12pm) – 231
10/8 (4-6pm) – 244
10/9 – 233
10/15 – 220
10/23 – 287
10/29 – 259
10/30 – 218

I helped 1,692 people out of the 30,619 reported in the booth.
That’s 5.5%, though we had over 100 volunteers all season. Personally, I was disappointed in these totals compared to past years, but I guess it’s still a healthy amount.

One highlight of the season was that I was featured in one of the brochures! Right on the foldout map! Of COURSE I had to make sure that the Brave Little Tailor made it into rotation. Every time someone grabbed one of the small brochures, I would point out where the map was and hold the page up to the side of my face. I signed more than one autograph! Hahahaha.

Some more photos of the outfits from this year:

Did I help you?!? Let me know in the comments!

Selfish Thoughts or Gratitude?

Posted in Discussions & Opinions, Quarantine, Reflections, Uncategorized, WorkTagged , , , , , 1 Comment

Last year, I lost my mother in May, my boss lost her father in August, and then I lost my aunt (my Mom’s sister) in November (on the same day my father had passed 9 years earlier). All of them had dealt with illnesses that had tinged the dark, deep grief with a dim glow of relief that they were no longer suffering. At the time it feels wrong to have that little glow of relief, but I have learned to accept it. Now, when a friend is grieving in the same way, the comfort I can offer them is the acknowledgment that this dichotomy of emotions is not only healthy and valid, but can be tapped into to gain the strength to get through the celebrations and obligations that are part of this process.

We have seen a few friends lose parents or siblings during this global pandemic and systemic lock down, and my heart always grieves a little deeper for them. In most cases, the person who had passed had done so alone in forced isolation, some from COVID-19 in a painful and horrible way, alone and without the basic comfort of human touch.

One day, I woke up with a thought:

Is it wrong to be glad that my mother died last year, and not during this pandemic?

I felt bad even thinking such a thought. Obviously, I’d rather still have my mother alive, but she was living in an assisted facility in the last stages of Alzheimer’s Disease. She would have been isolated, at high risk, and confused during this pandemic. We would not be able to visit, and she would not be able to understand us on the phone, or recognize us on the other side of a window. Also, if she died during this pandemic, we would not be able to gather as a family to grieve together.

So is it wrong that I am grateful that she did not hang on to die during this pandemic?

I had this conversation with my boss (a former psychiatrist), and she agreed. If her father had held on, she would not have been able to fly to him, or be with him as he passed. She agreed that it was a conflicting feeling, but that we were both valid in our gratitude.

Well maybe that is valid, but what about…

Four years ago, I was laid off/bought-out of my Booking Agent position. I have already expressed how blessed and lucky I am to be able to work from home, but I have watched the live entertainment industry adapting and cannibalizing itself, and think: thank the gods I am out!

Perhaps it speaks volumes that I feel badly for the artists that are suffering but I feel little sympathy for the agencies, management, or record industry. You would assume there would be some schadenfreude, but I really will feel horrible when agencies or management companies, especially those that have worked for 40+ years in the interest of the artists, start to fold. I know of one or two that will not be able to recover from these cancellations and 18-24 month postponement of payments. I should feel vindicated, but I only feel sad and worried.

Who is to say what s right and wrong? Who is to determine whether one’s feelings are valid or not? I will: You. You are the only one to answer these questions. And you are the only one to forgive yourself or allow yourself to feel the way you truly feel.

We all need to trust our feelings, especially now during this troubling time.

Trust in yourself.

Trust in your feelings.

Trust that you know yourself better than anyone.

Trust.

Salem Visitor Information Booth 2019

Posted in Disney, Halloween, History, Salem, UncategorizedTagged , , , , , , 4 Comments

14725712_10153796892516898_173245631148326676_n“Ask Me – I’m a Local”

That’s what my button says.  We volunteers wear them during our shifts at the Salem Visitor Information Booth in October during Haunted Happenings in Salem, MA.  I “freelance” when not in the booth by wearing my pin all month long and helping any lost-looking tourists to find their way around town.

For 2019, we had SO MANY volunteers (a blessing, to be sure) that I was only able to book two initial shifts at the booth – and the earliest was October 13th!  Once everyone had a chance to choose their initial shifts, the schedule was opened-up again and I took three additional later in the month (including Halloween!!).

If you haven’t read about 2018’s booth experiences, you can find those here, and I share some further thoughts on the booth in this post.

Sunday, October 13th: 12-2pm (actually 12-2:15pm)

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I was so excited to start my first shift.  Though I had been walking around town wearing my button and helping people up until this point, it’s not the same as standing at the booth and having people from around the world come to you.  It seems to be tradition now that I always begin my season in the Ambassador Witch costume (above and left).  I have had return visitors recognize me in that outfit, and the local vendors and street performers have been starting to recognize it as well.

During this shift, I met visitors from Canada, Washington, DC, Connecticut, New Jersey, Ireland, and Israel and helped 453 individuals in my 2h 15m shift (the woman replacing me was late, so I stayed to help until she showed-up).

Sunday, October 20th: 4-6pm

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My first evening shift (I prefer the 10-12 or 12-2), I only had 186 people on my clicker at the end of it.  I think by that time of day – especially on a Sunday – people don’t need directions or help in finding things to do.  I don’t think I’ll take another late shift, unless it’s Halloween night (I am scheduled 2-4!).  Today’ I was the Herbology Professor (right), which was my ‘new; costume for 2018.

In addition to the booth shift, a friend that runs Creative Collective asked me if I could help them out loading street vendors for the weekend markets on 19, 20, 26 and 27th.  Of course I said I would – then he told me I had to be there at 7:15am…  It was COLD and early, but all of the vendors were very sweet and happy to have a friendly face helping them load-in.  It did make for long days, though.  I have a feeling he’s going to ask again during the next markets.

Saturday, October 26th: 12-2pm

Image result for brave little tailor"

A wonderfully sunny and beautifulIMG_2803 day in Salem! 

 I am trying, every year, to have a new costume in rotation (see above).  For 2019 , I had created Mickey Mouse’s Brave Little Tailor.  What do you think?  It was a big hit and has to be one of the most photographed costumes I’ve worn.  

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There were a few people calling me Peter Pan and Robin Hood, which bummed me out, until one guy came walking across the cross walk and yelled to me “Seven in one blow!”  I must have grinned from (mouse) ear to (mouse) ear!

Because it was a beautiful day, it was peak time, and it was the last Saturday before Halloween, it was CROWDED.  I helped 428 people during my shift.

 

Sunday, October 27th: 12-2pm

Sunday was a miserable as Saturday was beautiful.  IMG_2812It was pouring rain, cold, and windy.  Because of the weather, most of the street vendors had cancelled, so I didn’t have to stand in the cold rain at 7:15am, but I did keep my shift at the booth.  I struggled to find an outfit that was fun, but also weatherproof.  I settled on a polyester “Beetlejuice” suit I had in the closet from a Night Circus-themed masquerade ball we attended, complete with top hat and umbrella (necessary in that weather).  I only clicked 138 people on my counter, and I came home chilled and soaked to the bone, with awful blisters from the tux shoes (bad idea).

Thursday, October 31st (HALLOWEEN!): 2-4pm – Cancelled

The weather was so awful, that they cancelled anyone scheduled to be outside.  We decided to keep the booth open for the next weekend, so they moved my shift to:

Saturday, November 2nd: 12-2pm

IMG_3095While it was technically past Halloween, the crowds still came on Saturday, perhaps because of the weather that week.  It was clear, but chilly.  I wore the Ambassador Witch hat and socks, but with long johns  and a thick wool pea coat.

The calendars and brochures that we usually give out were now out-of-date, but I pointed people to the map and descriptions, telling them what was still running and open.  All-in-all, I helped 183 people during this shift, plus a dozen more on my way home.

Total people helped (at the booth): 1388 

That’s a far cry from the 1967 of 2018, but I blame the weather and my shift selections for that.

In 2020, Halloween will fall on a Saturday, and the Haunted Happenings kick-off parade will be on Thursday October 1st.   That means we will have one full month of Haunted Happenings!  And did I mention that both October 1st and 31st are full moons?  Yeah.  It’s going to be crazy.

I can’t wait!

It’s the most wonderful time of the year!!

Posted in Halloween, History, Salem, UncategorizedTagged , , , , , , 4 Comments

To some parents, it’s back to school time.  To kids,* it’s the winter holidays.**

To those of us that love Halloween, it’s time for Salem Haunted Happenings!

Holiday displays before Thanksgiving, 4th of July Peeps, and Halloween in August?

We Americans tend to overdo anything we find special or unique, especially if it is inherently limited, or seasonal.  It is in our marketing/consumer nature to push it passed the saturation point, bringing it as far away from the reason we first fell in love with it as possible, either by extending the season, or making the limited unlimited.

Go ahead and put “Pumpkin Spice” in your search bar and see what comes up…

I mean… really?  Pumpkin Spice Spam sold out in 7 hours. What have we come to?  Is this irony, nostalgia, kitsch, or will certain people buy anything that remotely references something they once loved? Maybe they are doing it for the ‘gram.  Starbucks released their PSL’s on August 27th this year.   I don’t know what the weather was like where you live, but it was NOT a day I wanted to put on some flannel and sit by the fire sipping my latte.  Even my beloved Walt Disney World decorated for Halloween and started Mickey’s Not So Scary Halloween Parties on August 16th.  Full disclosure: we went to this party when we were there on August 27th.  It was ridiculously hot and humid.

Because of this trend, I start to worry when tourists and tour buses start jamming our streets in early September, and think that maybe we are pushing the festivities too early.  I understand that making the season longer helps to grab as much of that tourist revenue as possible, but thankfully we have enough going on in the summer that we don’t start October in August.  We have an estimated 1 million tourists each year for maritime and literary history, museums, cultural festivals, and a bustling food and drink scene, but the word on the street is that most small businesses can make 50-80% of their annual income during the month of October alone.

What’s in a season?

We typically have 4 weekends of heavy activity each October, starting with the Haunted Happenings Parade (typically the first Thursday) to kick-off the official festivities, and ending with the fireworks on Halloween night.  This year, the PEM opens it’s new wing to the public on September 28th.  In celebration, they are offering free admission to all and hosting parties throughout the weekend.  We also happen to have a Food Truck and Craft Beer Festival that weekend nearby on the common.  For this reason, the Salem Visitor Information Booth is opening a week early to assist with the expected crowds.

Booth
The booth is delivered to its home for the next few weeks.  It will be surrounded by flowers, decorations, and a rack for free maps and guides by the time you come visit.  Photo Credit: Salem Main Streets

The booth is staffed by volunteers every weekend, plus some weekdays during special events (the parade, Farmers’ markets, Halloween, etc).  If you look at the Haunted Happenings guide, you will see that there are special events every day in October, including new night markets on select Friday nights, and weekly specialty nights at most of the bars and restaurants, but there is a higher concentration of special things to do on the weekends, as the majority of tourists come in as day trips or overnights then.

But what are the crowds really like?

Have you ever been to a Disney Park during school vacation?  Our city’s historic and cultural district spans just over 1 mile in length, and half a mile wide when looking at the map, yet, we can reach half a million people in that area just on Halloween night.    On one of my Saturday shifts at the booth last year, I helped 474 people in 2 hours!  I am, what I like to call, “Aggressively Helpful” when working the booth.  I will walk up to people looking at GPS on their phones, or trying to read the giant map nearby (for some reason, it’s posted backwards, which isn’t obvious when you look at it).  If those people wave me away and say they know where they are going, 90% of the time they come back to me saying they got lost and needed help.  I will compliment costumes, give a smile and a warm “Welcome to my city!” or “Happy Halloween!” to every person walking by.  If it’s cold, I will tap a time step.  I have had people come back to thank me for my suggestions and ask me for more, and I’ve had people recognize me from helping them the previous year – it’s like they have a friend that lives in Salem! We only count people that we actually talk to, but can include whole groups, even if we only talk to one person from that party.  That’s probably how I got 474, although a 3.5 people-per-minute average is not hard to do with families or groups, especially if they have a specific question.  I also hand out maps to even more people that I don’t count.  The final Saturday before Halloween last year, we had a bad nor’easter come through.  There were many intrepid travelers out on the streets that day, undaunted by the weather (and they had already paid for their trip, so why not?), and I still ended up helping 108 people in my 2 hours.  The very next day, the storm had passed, and I was back up to 450.  All totaled, I personally helped 1967 people (officially – I don’t count the ones I help when just walking around town).  The entire booth staff of 75+ volunteers helped over 22,000 tourists that season.

True story: I have yet to meet an angry or mean tourist at the booth.

People may be tired, frustrated, or hungry.  They may have been sitting in traffic, or waiting in line for an hour for a haunted house that was a minute in length.  They may be overwhelmed with how much is going on, but they are here to have fun, and they are choosing to chat with me, rather than relying on their smart phones.  That’s not to say there aren’t tons of a-holes wandering around, getting drunk, and heckling performers.  My friends in the service industry have nightmare stories about awful customers, or disrespectful tourists that treat our historic cemeteries like they were fake movie sets.

Tell me again why you love it?  It sounds…awful.

I can see someone reading those numbers, or hearing complaints about waiting in line, or trying to drive through the city, could think that it’s too crowded or too frenetic, but I absolutely adore my city: its history, culture, and charm – it’s my little European Walking City right here on the North Shore of Massachusetts.  When I first moved her almost 20 years ago, I griped about the traffic and ‘those tourists’ clogging my city, taking my seat in the restaurant, and crowding the sidewalks.  My friends and I commiserated, and sighed heavily waiting for November to arrive, but as I got to know the city, and became friends with many of the business owners, I realized how much the city depends on the tourist industry – not only the shops and restaurants, but I’ve met many people that moved to Salem after having visited as a tourist.

What I didn’t explain above is that those 75+ volunteers are all Salem residents, like me, that volunteer our time.  We do it because we love our city and we want to help other people to love it, too.  We are an expanding family of dedicated, passionate, slightly kooky, people with a need to help others.  This year, there are over 100 of us!  This is wonderful, of course, but (selfishly) all these new people are taking my spots!  I was only able to book 5 shifts this year, and the first one isn’t until October 13th.  I’ll have to wait weeks!  Oh well… I guess I’ll have to go rogue and walk around town with my “Ask Me, I’m a Local” button and a bag full of brochures…

I’ll create another post with this year’s booth highlights and running tally (like last year).  Look out for at least one new outfit, too!

Make your plans now!

In 2020, there will be 5 weekends in October.  Halloween 2020 will be on a Saturday… during a Full Moon…  Book your hotels now, it’s going to be crazy!

 

*and kids at heart

**I know, the word “Christmases” appears in the chorus, but other than that, the song is a secular piece about the season of peace and good will to all.

A Brief Hiatus (for a good reason!)

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I have a new job!!  

(The image is Katherine Hepburn from the movie Desk Set)

I started training on October 17th and this past week was the first on my own, without the woman I was replacing being there to help.  It went well, and I can see myself thriving in this fast-paced and dynamic place.  I’m sure I’ll talk about it more later.

Because my commute is now an hour (train, walk, subway, walk) each way,* starting very early in the morning, and because the days have been non-stop busy, I’ve been extremely tired when I have returned home each night.  My husband has been wonderful.  He made sure dinner was prepared and ready each night, knowing that I would be rushed to think-up and make something.  Sometimes I just don’t deserve him.  Because of this mental exhaustion, I have come home to eat, have a drink and sit down to something mindless – either TV, or folding clothes, or the like – I have not been able to handle anything else.  I would love to read and study some more, or to write here, but I have not been up to the task.

The other reason for my being away from here, and for being so tired, can be summed-up in 3 words:

OCTOBER IN SALEM

Every weekend we had something planned or someplace to go.  I had volunteered at the tourist Information Booth for 3 shifts** – a schedule I made while still unemployed.  This limited our ‘downtime’ as well.

As if the universe knew I would not have my days free anymore, all were booked from the end of September through my start date.  Here are a few highlights:

  • My husband’s birthday is the end of September, and we always go at least once to King Richard’s Faire.  We’ve made some friends with the people that work there, and they always remember us.
  • I had family visit for a few days to do some Ancestry.com research – this was unexpected, but a lot of fun and very informative!
  • I had 1 phone interview and 5 in-person interviews (2 in Salem, 3 in Cambridge)
  • My Goddaughter got married!  We drove the 4 hours in the rain to the Cape, and had a lovely (drier) drive back the next morning, with stops at the beach (a hurricane was passing by off the coast), and a little French bistro in Hyannis.

    img_3717
    “If you’re fond of sand dunes and salty air, quaint little villages, here and there, you’re sure to fall in love with Old Cape Cod.”
  •  I drove down to the South Shore to the graves of my paternal grandparents, maternal grandparents, and my Dad (3 different cemeteries in 3 different towns).  I washed the stones with a soft brush and water, cleaning off the lichen and dirt, swept away the leaves, had a chat with each of them and left some gifts (flower basket, a crystal, some rosemary, and some scotch).  For my Dad, I also brought a spade’s worth of dirt from his garden at home and mixed it in.
  • After visiting the graves, I drove further down to visit my Mom in the Memory Care unit of her Assisted Living apartment.  I had brought my laptop with me, and pulled-up all of the pictures from the wedding, and the freshly cleaned gravesites.  I had also printed a few pictures from the past month and had used my label maker to label each picture with the people’s names.  I brought the label maker with me and, while we were talking, I labelled the photos she had set-up next to the TV as well.  We had a great visit, and while it tears a little bit of my heart every time I notice how much more the Alzheimer’s has taken from her, I try to keep her happy and present.  I can cry in the car on the way home. We had a lot of laughs together and I could see how happy she was in those moments.  I only wish she could remember them when she is down.
  • I created a sewing pattern from our Harry Potter robes, and made myself a new robe out of this gorgeous green tweed flannel I got on sale.
  • I also made my outfit for the Info booth.  Here it is in its debut waiting for the Haunted Happenings Parade (I also have orange striped socks – they went better with the Info Booth vest I had to wear).  It was my first attempt at designing and making a hat, so I was very proud of it.  I received many compliments on both the hat and the tartan accents (I also made them)!

So this has been a very busy, but productive time.  This was supposed to just be a short note of why I’ve been quiet, but, like everything else, it took on a life of its own.

The Election has me crazy – I will likely never write about that here.  Let’s just hope that the right decision is made on Tuesday.

Be good to each other.
Happy New Year, Witches!

 

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Samantha Stephens (Bewitched) in a quiet moment before the craziness of October in Salem begins (note the Info booth in the background).  This is not the usual angle that people take photos of her.  Sorry Sammy!  I didn’t mean to be indelicate.

*I have been thrilled to have this uninterrupted time in the morning and afternoon on the train.  In the morning, I can sip my coffee and read a book or listen to a podcast, and ease into the day.  In the afternoon, I can shut-off from work and do the same thing, calming me down to arrive home without any stress or pressure from the day.  In my old job, I was driving both directions, which allowed me to listen to audio books or sing along to music, but there was still the stress of driving, traffic, weather, etc, so if I left work in a state of agitation, it lingered and came home with me.  Now, on the train, I can disconnect work from the rest of my life.

**It was a wonderful experience that I wish I had had the energy to report on at the time. Hopefully next year, I will be more diligent in sharing those experiences here as they happen.

 

Autumnal Equinox

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Today (22 September 2016) is the Autumnal Equinox here in the Northern Hemisphere (Happy Spring to those of you on the other side of the equator!).  Here in Salem, some neo-pagans are celebrating Mabon, nearby rural farmers are celebrating the Second Harvest, city dwellers are celebrating Pumpkin Spice Everything, and those of us who love the briskness of the Fall are eagerly anticipating sweater and cider weather!!

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Late harvest in the Apple orchard.  Mmmm…cider donuts and apple pie!

I remember when I was in college (quite awhile ago), walking quickly through campus one day.  I happened to look up at the side of the building before heading in through the stage door and stopped, in shock.  The building was always covered in ivy, but at that moment it was a bright and vibrant red.  I looked around, and sure enough, the trees were all shades of orange and yellow and tawny ocher.  I had been so busy and so preoccupied with classes and rehearsals that I had completely missed the changing of the seasons.  I made it a point to pay more attention, especially when the following Spring arrived and the flowers and trees came into bloom.  After all, we are always hearing the advice to “Stop and smell the roses.”  Well, stop and enjoy the other changes, too!

Somewhere between that moment and the period we know as adulthood, with all of its similar trappings of hurrying through life without looking up, I had forgotten that lesson. It popped-up again a few years ago, but in a more profound and succinct way for me.  I had taken my car off the road for a year and decided to commute to work on the train.  Our condo is steps from the Salem station, and my office was a 1/2 mile walk from the Gloucester station (Cape Ann is a beautiful place to visit).  For the first 10 months I rode the train like everyone else: head down, staring at my phone.  One morning, I happened to look up and catch a view out the window that could almost have been staged; it was so perfect, and it took my breath away.  I had to write it down immediately.*  It was an epiphany, of sorts, and a reminder.  I’ve never taken it for granted again.

October 26, 2012 8:47am:

There is beauty in this world.

I can commute along the same route
Day after day reading or playing on my phone
But once in awhile (less often than I’d like, but more than I feel comfortable with) Nature tugs on my sleeve and exclaims:

“Look what I have done for you!

You are on your way to sit at a desk indoors, glued to a screen and wired into the counterfeit world, and you are spending your time giving all of your attention o a smaller window (bane of society) into that false world.

I am putting on my best colors for you!

Look now and you will see a buck and doe fleeing into the umber forest.

Even though we are separated by a sheet of glass and you are traveling by me at a fast speed in a version of a machine that has choked and destroyed me for ____ years, look out and appreciate me.

See how I have made the waters calm and smooth to mirror the beauty of my autumn colors and to expand the sky beneath you.

See how each neighboring tree can burst in vibrant or subdued hues next to one another and be beautiful.

Not everyone can be a flaming red Maple, but see how I have given beauty to even the dullest of brown trees?”

This speech from Nature probably would have continued, but I was pulling-in to my station and needed to get to work.  Perhaps I will stop to listen again and She will tell me the rest of the story.  Perhaps you can finish it and tell me what you’ve heard.

Anyway, I just thought I’d share it here to remind myself to stop and take a moment to notice the world around me, and maybe to inspire you to do the same.

So go.  Take a moment to enjoy the change of seasons.

Take a moment away from the computer/phone/tablet (after you read this, of course).

Take a breath.

Live life.

Repeat.

Enjoy.

(In looking for photos to show the view, I stumbled on this site with gorgeous professional shots of Cape Ann and some foliage by Elinor Teele.  I don’t know her, but the photos are stunning.)

*Full disclosure: I then went right back to looking at my phone, as it was the only place I could write this down as it was happening.  Since then, I have tried to keep a small pocket-sized journal and pen with me, but that is not always practical.  My phone is full of notes and reminders, and (for better or worse) it’s always with me.

To teach proper behavior or to reward proper behavior? That is the question.

Posted in Discussions & Opinions, DisneyTagged , , , , , , 1 Comment

This is such a great idea for dealing with your young children in Disney!  The psychology of an ‘other’ watching over your deeds and rewarding you for doing the right thing – Santa, Elf on a Shelf (what a creep…), etc. – frees the parent from being seen as a ‘mark’ that can be easily blackmailed into providing gifts just for behaving properly.  Kids are smarter than most give them credit for.  As an outside observer (spoiler: I don’t have any children), sometimes I see kids in restaurants or in Walt Disney World that are clearly taking advantage of their tired, overworked parents. And those poor, tired, overworked parents either give in or snap.  Everyone’s time is ruined.  Good manners and proper behavior are learned skills, and I don’t think many people are teaching these things these days.

I had an interview at a local historic hotel yesterday.  In the interview, our discussion included supervising Millennials.  We both gave our observations of entitlement and the nonchalance towards the effects of their actions that have become endemic to that particular demographic.  My interviewer gave an example that one of the young food and beverage workers didn’t know the difference between a coffee cup and an espresso cup; her experience being solely that of Starbucks, where everything comes in paper cups. “Gone are the high teas at the Ritz,” she said.  And she was right.  There was once a time where you went to dinner at Grandma’s house, or had a proper Thanksgiving dinner with all of the silverware and glasses.  You learned how to use everything, to not fidget, to not yell, and THERE WERE NO TABLETS OR PHONES!! (sorry, I know that these are easy ‘babysitters,’ but you are teaching your children to disengage from conversation and from the outside world and its experiences, and not teaching them how they should be acting in public – OK, rant over).  I wish people still took their children to High Tea, or used wedding dinners or eating out at restaurants as exercises in learning how to act properly.  Heck, maybe I’ll invent a game for the iPad that teaches etiquette and table manners!

Back to Walt Disney World and rewarding behavior in kids:  We just returned from a trip earlier this month.  For the middle 3 days, we were joined by our family, which included three children aged 5, 8 and 13.  Because of the age differences, and the demographics (2 young girls, 1 teenage boy), I don’t think the plan in the link above would have worked for all of them.

We went with a different strategy.

My husband and I had long talked about making up business cards to hand to Cast Members that made our experience extra special. Typically, we would keep a list of the names and locations of extraordinary CM’s to include in our trip surveys when we returned home.  We hoped, but never knew for sure, whether they received that recognition.  We knew that with the cards, they could show them to their supervisors, if they wanted, as an immediate recognition of great service.  We finally did make those cards for this trip, and we made one very special and sassy CM almost come to tears when we handed it to her.  She had been extra helpful and so very playful with my husband.  When we handed the card to her, she said “I’m going to hang this on my fridge!” Her supervisor later came to find us in the lobby to thank us for doing that.  She told us that that CM would be retiring next week, and we had touched all their hearts with our kindness.  Another CM immediately ran to her coworker to show off the card we gave her and they both came to tell us that that was the best thing that had happened to them that day.  We also used the back of the cards to write our contact information for friends that we had made during the trip.

The front of our cards:

IMG_0638 [940240]

We had also added a picture of both of us on the back of some of them.

Realizing that today’s youth take a lot of things for granted (I put some blame on grade school graduation ceremonies, everyone-gets-an-award, everyone-gets-on-the-team, and other coddling, character-erasing, entitling practices – sorry, I promised no more rants…), we created simpler cards for the kids that said “Thank you for making my day Magical” with various Disney clip art characters on them.

Here are the cards in Word format if you wish to customize them yourself: Thank you cards.  I do not own the rights to the clip art.  Print them out on standard printable business card stock.

We handed out a stack of these to each of the kids in the morning and told them to ‘sign’ their name on them.  We told them to give them to any Disney employee that made them smile, or helped them to do something, or were just really good at their job.  We thought about incentives for handing them all out, but didn’t want to make it a competition, or have them just randomly giving them out to everyone in the first 10 minutes.  I wasn’t sure they would get the concept, or be willing to participate, but they did.  My heart went into my throat when the teenage boy was the first to give his out, without prompting, to the bus driver that had told corny jokes and teased one of the riders with a birthday button on our way to the park.  We had all laughed along and it was a jovial bus ride. As we exited the bus, he walked to the driver and handed him the card with a “thank you” and walked out.  No one was watching, and he didn’t look for immediate recognition for what he had done.  It was a better start than I had hoped for.  We continued through the day, and I think some of the cards were given out, though other things took hold of their focus.

Will this change how the kids interact with other people in the future?  I don’t know.  I do know that there are a few extraordinary Cast Members that received these cards and, for just a moment, received a heartfelt thank you for a job well done.  Maybe it gave them a smile or some needed assurance in their job that day.  I also know that when we handed them out, we received the joy of being able to give some magic to someone that had brought some to us.  I hope that the kids will remember those moments, and maybe one day it will cause them to stop and be thankful for what others have done for them.

Thank the barista for making your latte.  Thank the stranger for holding the door for you.  Hold the door for someone else.  Give up your seat on the bus to someone that needs it more than you. Brighten someone’s day for just a moment.  You never know if that may be the one little spark that ignites their will to go on.  

Sow a seed of gratitude and watch it grow.