Coping Strategies During Tough Times

As I write this, we are in Day 36 of the 2025 US Government shutdown, currently the longest in US history (#1 and #2 both happened under a certain administration). In addition to the rollbacks of several rights and dignities, handouts of questionable pardons, large-scale layoffs in special education, mental health, food and drug safety, more key positions that keep us all safe, and a general breakdown of decency that have avalanched on top of us over the past year, the US currently faces: 42 million of the most vulnerable Americans who rely on Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP) benefits left without access to food; Affordable Care Act (ACA) recipients (again, the most vulnerable) saw health insurance premiums increase as much as 300% this weekend; An impending chaos as airports, who have already have challenges with staffing shortages and equipment failure, now have air traffic controllers and TSA agents working without pay (could we see certain airspace closed if the shutdown continues?). While people are struggling and suffering, both sides are blaming each other, sometimes with slander and lies – more like schoolyard blame than adults who are supposed to be governing us.

The Vibe is Different”
Working at the Salem Visitor Info Booth, talking to friends and colleagues, and handing out Halloween candy with neighbors this year, one of the conversations that always came up unbidden was that “something” was off this year. “The vibe is different downtown,” said one of the volunteers at the booth. “I just haven’t felt the Halloween spirit, even when walking around the city, this year,” came from a friend that absolutely lives for this season. My husband and our neighbor echoed the same sentiment even as we were handing our candy to small children in costume (and some teenagers not in costume) – probably the exact moment we should have been in the spirit. To everyone that brought this up, I asked “Why do you think that is?” Answers always included some version of “The world is sh!t right now and I am just over it – every day it’s something else to add to the pile and I can’t enjoy the small things anymore.”

Disassociation
My husband and I have stopped watching the news. News articles or headlines are ignored, and we now get our news from discussions with friends (who can deal with reading the news) and through late night talk show hosts giving us the news with a side of humor. This is not an ideal situation, but when news items cause my blood pressure to rise or make me angry, that is directly affecting my health. It feels as if we all have the sword of Damocles hanging over us. Short of living off the grid in the mountains somewhere, avoiding the news altogether is an impossible task.

So what do you do to help alleviate the anxiety, depression, and feeling of hopelessness
and defeat that can come from a situation almost entirely out of our hands?

Quiet Solo Activities
Since childhood, I’ve turned to reading to escape and enter new worlds. While I can enjoy diving into non-fiction I am deeply interested in, I almost always choose sci-fi, fantasy, magical realism, period, historical, romantic, mystery, or literary fiction. These genres, by default, can sweep you away from yourself and your everyday surroundings. I am currently re-reading a series (two trilogies and multiple novellas) that I have loved for years in preparation of the final book that was just released. Going to the library, browsing online for ebooks or audiobooks, and adding to my to-be-read list are also comforts because I know that I won’t have to struggle to find the next read or listen after I’ve finished the one(s) I’m on. This pre-planning will become a theme…

If you’ve seen some of my other posts, you know that I enjoy sewing – whether that’s creating a costume or putting together an outfit for the Info Booth, sewing an orange fleece coat because I couldn’t find one in the store (picture here), making a quilt for a neighbor’s baby, toys for my nieces and nephews, or cabana outfits for an upcoming vacation, I find peace in the planning and execution of a creative project with a clear, tangible, end goal. Even with the most complicated pattern or difficult technique, I am still enjoying the process and can zone out from everything but the project itself. I haven’t worked on anything lately, partly because I gained a lot of stress weight and am in the process of losing it. Every time I think about wanting to start something for myself, I hesitate because I don’t want to create something in the wrong size. I’ve done that before with long projects. Plus, I am still mourning the loss of Joann Fabrics…

I play the ukulele because music is a part of my upbringing and my soul. I haven’t picked it up in a few weeks now (and that makes me sad), but when I can learn a new song or improve my fingering on something, it makes me feel good – and who doesn’t smile when you here a uke?!?

I have always loved puzzles, but in 2013 I started amassing a pile of them. I’m not sure I remember why. I would set them up on a table or on the window seat and spend an hour each day, or a whole weekend day, putting them together, then I would package it up and pass it on to a friend to do. It became a favorite winter pastime to set them up in the window and watch the snow come down while I listened to some LPs (this started as a reason to get up from the chair periodically, because I had to flip or change the record). I created the hashtag #drunkpuzzling for social media and after buying a fold-up puzzle table, made several playlists on Spotify (so I wouldn’t have to get up!). While they are not a frequent as they have been, I finished a Horror Movie one last month (thematic!) and still have a stack of unopened boxes in my office.

When none of the above seems palatable after dinner, and I am left to my own devices to entertain myself, I put YouTube on the TV. Most of my subscriptions are cozy, slow, informative, emotional, and/or quirky things that bring me a little peace and a bit of serotonin. It could be top 10 lists of nostalgic things from my childhood, Golden Girls best-of clips, cooking demonstrations, cocktail history, late night monologues, comedy specials, live performances, sewing tutorials, author interviews, deep sea cameras, drone footage of Hawaii, mythology, Salem trip vloggers (looking for people I know), or it could be a content creator that I enjoy and feel a kinship with. Kathleen Illustrated reminds me of one of my local friends that is a spark of joy in my life. Rachel Maksy is the quintessence of “cozy” with a side of chaotic floor goblin. These are my people! In fact, this video inspired me to take up the next diversion.

Are all gays artistic, or is it just because we knew the Art Room at school was a safe space? I joke, but leaning into artistic pursuits has always been a comfort to me, whether performing, painting, crafting, or just making-up stories. Rachel’s video (and probably some bourbon?) inspired me to order a small travel watercolor set, papers, and brushes. My (again, bourbon…) aspiration was that I would take the kit on our next trip and spend some time relaxing on a beach and painting (Spoiler: I did take it with me, but didn’t paint on vacation – I did paint when I was back home from pictures I took, though). Watercolor is so counter-intuitive to what I had known in using acrylic paints for the past 40+ years (light to dark vs. dark to light; translucence vs. opaque, etc), that I failed in my first attempts and had to buy a few how-to-books to actually learn how to use them. It’s a work-in-progress, but hopefully one I will stick with.

About three years ago, we were both frustrated with deciding what to eat for dinner, so I caved and signed up for a meal service. We have since gone through 4 services in that time – switching each time due to the lack of variety. The last service we had was interesting, but the meals were hit-or-miss. Over the last few weeks, we would opt not to eat dinner over having one of the pre-packaged meals. We ended up wasting food and that made me mad. I downgraded for the month of October (it was too busy here, so I needed the convenience that month) and then cancelled. I signed-up for a 14 day trial on a well-known recipe site for $1. I spent a few hours each day going through the entire 400+ recipe archive, printing anything that looked interesting or matched our tastes, then cancelled before being charged the full fee. I laid the printouts all out on the table by category (meat entrée, dessert, pasta, side, vegetarian, etc) and chose menus for whole weeks. I would choose a roast or some recipe that took several hours and feed 4 or more people to cook on Sundays with leftovers on Monday. I chose a lighter or quicker meal for Tuesdays (a day one or both of us often have other commitments or limited time) like soup or salads. I picked a contrast dinner on Wednesday based on what we had for Sunday/Monday (e.g. chicken, pork or seafood if we had beef for Sunday/Monday). Our friend comes over every Thursday, which typically turned into takeout when we had the meal services, so this was the second meal I chose (after the Sun/Mon decision) each week, focusing on what all three of us would like and varying it over time. I decided to make Friday and Saturday optional (leaving space for whimsy, leftovers, or eating out), with a backup pizza recipe each week – I then made a batch of dough and froze portions for that purpose. Once I was happy with each week’s plan (taking into account Thanksgiving, travel, etc), I clipped them all together and made a cover sheet with a shopping list. This last exercise actually helped me to reorder some weeks to take advantage of buying an ingredient once to cover 2 or more weeks in a row, optimizing value. I’m aware that this all sounds like a lot of work, but it’s that preparation and creative outlet of putting it all together that I enjoy. It also gives me the peace of mind to know that everything is planned from now through the first week of January 2026 without thinking about it again. I’ve automated it. If we like the recipes, they can be recycled into the next plan, or we can start over from scratch again. Like creating something on the sewing machine, this research, preparation and gathering materials is all part of what brings me comfort. In addition, I LOVE to cook. Preparing a meal is another Zen-like task that brings me into focus, and like all of the pursuits above, having a tangible (edible!) end product to enjoy at the end of the labor is a love and a feeling of accomplishment, especially when if brings joy to others.

Coping Together
I’ll leave out the obvious activities (this is not that kind of blog!), but when my husband is not pursuing his solo coping mechanisms (journaling, napping, learning how to create AI videos for school, focusing on cleaning, listening to audiobooks), we watch movies and TV series together, sit and listen to old radio shows, work on our business, plan for vacations (real and fantasy), go to the casino to use freeplay, research things on YouTube, sit and laugh at comedy shows or late night monologues, or just sit and read while sitting next to each other with the cats sitting on our laps. It is easier to cope together, and I am so fortunate and thankful that we have each other as support.

Helping Others Cope
Local food pantries are looking for volunteers to cover extended hours, or for more food and financial donations – if your local grocery store is having a buy 2, get 3 promotion, consider getting extra and donating to those in need. Offer help (directly or indirectly) to someone in need – “I bought too many vegetables/made too much soup, do you want some?” Invite someone who is alone or struggling to dinner. Offer to drive your neighbor to appointments so they don’t have to pay for a ride on top of increased healthcare expense. Spread joy through your actions. Spread laughter. Spread love.

We don’t know how long these troubling times are going to be, or what new trials we may need to face, but if we support each other and come together as a people, we can survive and possibly come out of this better than before.

So… how are you coping?

Separating Art from Artist: The Harry Potter Dilemma

Harry Potter, a beloved series that has captured the hearts of millions, remains a cherished part of the literary world. J.K. Rowling, the author behind the magic, has shaped a generation’s childhood with her captivating storytelling and imaginative world-building. However, over the years, Rowling has faced significant backlash for her controversial statements and viewpoints, leaving many fans conflicted. In this post, we’ll explore the complex relationship of loving an artistic creation while simultaneously disliking or disagreeing with its creator.

Before delving into the disapproval of J.K. Rowling’s personal beliefs, it’s essential to acknowledge the extraordinary gift she has given us through the Harry Potter series. For millions, these books are more than just stories; they’re a world to escape to, characters to adore, and lessons to learn. The magic of Rowling’s writing transcends age, gender, and nationality, making it a global phenomenon. It has inspired not only books, but also movies, merchandise, theme parks, and an entire subculture dedicated to celebrating the Wizarding World.

However, even amidst the enchantment of the Wizarding World, it’s hard to ignore the controversy stirred by J.K. Rowling. In recent years, she has expressed controversial opinions (that I won’t dignify by linking to) on social media that have been widely criticized. Most notably, her stance on transgender issues and her comments on gender identity have ignited outrage and debate. Her views have been seen as harmful and transphobic by many, leading to a backlash among fans, fellow authors, and stars of her film adaptations.

For those of us who value diversity, inclusivity, and acceptance, it is challenging to reconcile our love for Harry Potter with our disapproval of J.K. Rowling’s beliefs. This struggle represents a moral dilemma for fans who want to support and enjoy the world she created, yet feel uncomfortable with her personal views.

One way to approach this conflict is by separating the art from the artist. Though hard for some, try to continue to appreciate the work of art (in this case, the Harry Potter series) while disagreeing with or even condemning the artist’s personal beliefs or actions. It allows you to find joy in the Wizarding World without necessarily endorsing or supporting J.K. Rowling’s controversial statements. It may be easier to do this with an author or visual artist that is ‘out of sight’ from the work and far more difficult to separate an actor or musician who is performing their work.

Another way to navigate this complex relationship is by engaging in constructive dialogue. Loving Harry Potter doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything J.K. Rowling says or does. By openly discussing the problematic aspects of her beliefs and their impact on marginalized communities, fans can contribute to a more inclusive and empathetic fandom. Engaging in respectful dialogues and advocating for change is essential to ensure that the love for the series is not marred by its creator’s opinions.

In response to the controversy, many fans have chosen to amplify the voices of transgender and non-binary individuals, promoting and consuming literature and media created by authors who represent a more inclusive and accepting worldview. This approach not only allows fans to continue enjoying magical stories but also sends a strong message that the values of the Wizarding World should align with the principles of diversity and acceptance.

People say: “I’m not buying this game,” or “I’m not going to Universal Studios” because they don’t want to support her. Let’s be real: J.K. Rowling already got the money. She constantly gets money. She is the owner of one of the most popular IPs in the world. Any time one of the Harry Potter films gets aired on TV? She gets a royalty check. Any time someone buys a ticket to get access to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter at Universal Studios? Royalty check. When someone else wants to use her IP to make a standalone production, like the Cursed Child play, or a LEGO set, or a computer game? Royalties, royalties, royalties. With or without your help, she gets the money anyway. In most cases, your boycott only hurts the company that is creating the thing that they licensed from her, like the video game developers, LEGO designers, movie studios, toy manufacturers, etc.

Loving something but disagreeing with its creator is a complex and personal journey. The magic of the Wizarding World is undeniable, but the controversies surrounding the author cannot be ignored. It’s essential for fans to find a way to navigate this dilemma, whether by separating the art from the artist, engaging in constructive dialogue, or supporting diverse voices in literature. In doing so, fans can continue to cherish the enchanting world of Harry Potter while upholding the values of acceptance and inclusivity that it has come to represent for so many.

While the title and content here center around the world of Harry Potter and it’s creator, I could easily have chosen any one of these:

Michael Jackson, R. Kelly, Bill Cosby, Picasso, Lewis Carroll, Neil Gaiman, Dr. Seuss, Hunter S. Thompson, George Orwell, Gertrude Stein, Ernest Hemingway, Joan Crawford, Roald Dahl, William Golding, Sean Connery, Kevin Spacey, Caravaggio, Paul Gauguin, Flannery O’Connor, Patricia Highsmith, Orson Scott Card, Johnny Cash, Chuck Berry, Jerry Lee Lewis, Miles Davis, Morrissey, James Brown, Phil Specter, P. Diddy,… The list goes on and on.

I started this post a year or two ago and left it in the Draft folder because so much has already been written about this dilemma. When I chose to wear my wizard outfit for the Info Booth this year, I wondered how I would be perceived (agreeing with her? oblivious?), which is why I hid the Hogwarts patch and wore my Pride pin prominently. Even if the visitors didn’t interact with me, I wanted them to see that you can celebrate a fantasy world you have come to love and also celebrate inclusion. Before my shift, I re-read what I had put in here to arm myself should anyone confront me. I did have a few nice conversations with like-minded individuals and one parent that was happy to talk about their child going through the same dilemma. All of those conversations greatly added to this post.

What are your thoughts?

Writing Prompt: Do you remember life before the internet?

Daily writing prompt
Do you remember life before the internet?

Yes. I’m Gen X.

Well that would have been a very short post…

In junior high school, I had typing class. There was a special classroom fitted with desks holding electric typewriters. Not word processors (my college essays were written on), but electric typewriters, with ink, paper, and satisfyingly clunky keyboards. On holidays, we made typography ‘artwork’ by following instructions (55 “X”, Return, 30 spaces, 57 “m”, etc) that, when finished, created a picture made of letters and symbols. I ended-up Valedictorian of my graduating class (#humblebrag), but typing and gym were my worse subjects by far. The typing teacher would put a piece of paper covering my hands so I couldn’t see what I was typing. I had to rely on the hand placement around ASDF JKL: and ‘feel’ my way to the other letters without peeking. I cheated more than I should have, and regretted it later in life. Today (34 years later), I’m more proficient and can type quite quickly without looking. I wonder what my speed is (remember Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing)? Maybe I could be a stenog!

“Speed Test” from the original Broadway cast of Thoroughly Modern Millie

When we moved up to the high school, there was a “computer lab” full of Apple IIe desktops with files and files of floppy disks (the actually floppy 8 inch ones – do you know how you keep them from being written over? you cut a notch in the side of them…). These machines were relatively new, but just at the end of their lifecycle. The screens were black and green, and the MS-DOS game of Math Rabbit required several floppy disks to be inserted to play. I remember a full screen of ‘code’ just for the machine to draw a square (<run>). By the time I was a senior, I was writing essays and term papers on a Brother Word Processor that looked a lot like the electronic typewriters of years before, but I could type and edit an entire page on a one-line green and black screen before it typed on the paper. It saved on ink and white-out, but today’s kids would have had a very hard time with it.

The World Wide Web went public in 1993, while I was graduating. My small town library didn’t have internet, and neither did the school. When I went to college, there was a more sophisticated computer lab, but you had to sign-up for time to use the computers attached to the World Wide Web, and you had to pay per minute of usage. By junior year (1995-1996), we had email, and all of the machines in the lab were connected to the internet. I remember printing out (on a dot-matrix printer) email from my college boyfriend. Personal computers were extremely expensive. I didn’t have my own until the 2000s.

If you followed-along on my post about my job experiences, the internet didn’t really change my life until I worked at the touring theatre production company. Out of college, I ran a dinner theatre. We didn’t have internet, we had tap dancing! I wasn’t even able to use the internet to find the touring production job. I saw it in the newspaper (in print!) and mailed (by post!) my application for the job. Then they called me on a landline (!!!) to set-up an interview. This all seems SO CRAZY when I’m writing it, but that’s how it was. I didn’t have my first cell phone until 1998!

Anyway, the next job was for a touring theatrical production company based in downtown Boston. There was a Cellular One store two doors down (later CingularOne, then AT&T), and on a lunch break I went an purchased my first Nokia phone (indestructible!) with the number I still have 25 years later. I still didn’t have internet. The phone made and received calls, and could keep my calendar. While we had computers at our desks, they ran DOS in a closed system that tracked reservations and ticket sales. After a year of being in the office, I discovered there was one computer in the corner of the office connected to the internet (dial-up). The owner had set it up because someone told her it was important, but no one used it. One day, she asked if I knew how to use this “web” thing. I went in every chance I got to look for discounted show tickets, travel deals, and venue research for her. A year later, they gave us email and connected all of our CPUs to the internet. They gave us a day to ‘get used to’ to internet and to play around. Our office manager, a longtime user of newspaper personal ads, found the online ads and loudly proclaimed; “They have ones for you!” As a gay single man in an office of young straight females, I was suddenly the center of attention as they all crowded around my computer to see what the gay ones looked like. I don’t know if you’ve experienced Yahoo personals in 1999, but they were…specific… and graphic. After 2 or 3 “Daddy looking for a pig bottom” and “CD for a…” they all ran away. I looked at a few more and one popped-out at me:

Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death

Auntie Mame

A quote from Auntie Mame? My favorite movie of ALL TIME?! Then it went on to say that they were looking for gay friends, wanting to explore the city, etc. I was living, at the time, in South Boston with three straight single women. Every night it was Will & Grace & Grace & Grace. If we went to a club or a party, they got free drinks from sleazy guys wanting to get with them, then I was the ‘boyfriend’ at the end of the night if they didn’t want to take them home. Sometimes they would all come home with someone, but I was always alone. Though the ad said “looking for 25 and older,” and I was technically months away from 25, I wrote to him, which started a months-long correspondence.

SPOILER ALERT: That man and I are celebrating the 24th anniversary of our first date later this year, and just celebrated 9 years of marriage.

There have been dark times brought about in my life because of the internet, but since I would not have the life I have now without it, I can forgive those moments. I use it almost constantly for work and for personal use, and you are using it right now to read this story. How insane is that?

So… do you remember life before the internet?

Translating Experience

Daily writing prompt
What jobs have you had?

The writing prompt is “What jobs have you had?”

You say “Jack-of-all-trades (master of none).” I prefer “Renaissance man.” One is a cut, the other a compliment (of a sort).

I started my work experience at the age of 15. After many years of obsessing over every movie musical that came on television, or I could get at the video store (we are talking 1989 here), I decided it was time to take tap dancing lessons. The local dance studio was only a mile from home, near my Aunt’s house. At the time, a family friend, her daughter, and my cousin all had 2-year old toddlers (yes, one was the uncle to the other, it was a surprise to everyone!). The grandmother/mother of two of them lived 2 doors from my Aunt. I became babysitter to one of them on several afternoons and all three once a week. I used that money to enroll in classes down the street. From this, I learned patience, entertaining a tough audience, perseverance, conflict management, and how to care for another human being.

At 16, I started work at a family-owned small convenience store and deli. Looking back, I cherish the time spent there. It was truly being in a second family, I got to know the regulars, I learned valuable skills in retail, point-of-sale, merchandising, cooking, customer service, time management, and working as a team. For some reason, this small store became a central hub for Swedish and Scandinavian specialties, especially at Christmas. The owners were not Scandinavian, but they embraced this niche. We sold lutefisk (frozen, I called them porcelain fish for the sound they made when they hit the counter), made spice bags for Glogg, sold Cardamom braids (yum!!!) and Lingonberries, and made Swedish meatballs decades before IKEA made it to Massachusetts. We were so busy that former employees would come in to help during the season, making it even more of a family reunion party atmosphere. The store has been gone for many years, but a few of us still wax nostalgic at the joy we feel when smelling cardamom when it gets close to the holidays, or we think of stealing cookie dough from the freezer.

The summer before I left for college, I joined the Avon Parks & Recreation Department as a counselor at the day camp run on the high school grounds. It was free for residents and included open play, crafts, and sports for most of the day on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, with paid field trips on Tuesdays and Thursdays for certain age groups. Building on my babysitting skills, I honed patience, entertaining a tough audience, perseverance, conflict management, crafting, pedagogy, security in crowds, and emotional support/encouragement. The kids were 6-16 years old, and in this day and age, I can’t imagine them being left in the care of semi-untrained teenagers and young adults.

In college, I held two very different positions. For the first 2 years, I was a “Script Librarian.” We had a closet full of theatre scripts with a very small desk in it. Students could come and borrow and script, or set of scripts, for use in their classes or performances. I sat there and catalogued, itemized, and tracked them all. The copious amounts of downtime gave me ample opportunity to read through most of them, which came in handy when I was advising younger students on where to find an audition monologue or scene to stage. For my last 2 years, I was a “Safety Escort.” <hold for snickering> My college had a “boozer cruiser” – a 10-passenger van that drove students around the campus at night for free. You would call the dispatch (a lonely room in the campus police building) and the van would drive you wherever you needed to go on campus. Driving around was fun, because you got to be out and interacting with other students (even if they were drunk or high). It was always entertaining. Being in the dispatch office was creepy and lonely, but that’s when I could practice lines or dance steps. Being a theatre major, I had a lot of late nights rehearsing, then I would pick-up the 12-4am shift. When I was in the dispatch office, someone would call at 2am and I would answer the phone in a husky, sleep-deprived, sung-too-much-in-rehearsal bass: “Safety Escort, how may I assist you?” More than once, I had a drunk student (both sexes) purr at me and ask if I was the one picking them up. From this job, I further developed customer service, conversing with strangers, safe driving, dealing with difficult customers, how to save a drunk girl from getting into a dangerous situation, and using humor to diffuse tense situations. I relished the alone time in the van between pickups and at the dispatch office, but also the constant entertainment of the customers in the van.

For the summers between my Freshman and Junior years, I was a Meter Reader for Bay State Gas (now National Grid). My father worked there for over 40 years before he retired. I enjoyed commuting with him, and getting to know his colleagues those summers. Typically, the full-time readers would give us the worst routes, or a collection of unattainable readings over several routes (basically the sh1t jobs). Most of the time, I dealt with basements filled with dog poop, possible crack dens, lousy neighborhoods, and belligerent homeowners. Once in awhile, I would get one of the coastal towns of Scituate, Hingham, or Hull, where you walked along the beach to read the meters of cottages. Those were the best days. I remember reading the meter at La Salette Shrine one day, and sitting in the parking lot to eat my lunch. All of a sudden, a priest opens the passenger door and gets in, saying: “Hello my son, would you take me to the store?” This was strictly forbidden in the company truck (natural gas powered, of course), but I was raised Catholic and convinced my Mother would somehow know if I refused, so I took him on his errand. From this job, I explored a lot of the South Shore of Massachusetts, learned to deal with difficult people, to navigate the bureaucracy of a large corporation, that summer help are slaves, that unions are great, but sometimes protect those that shouldn’t be there, how to survive walking miles in the summer heat, how to cheat by saying you couldn’t get into a house that creeped you our or made you feel unsafe, and gave me an appreciation of all my Father did to take care of us.

Between Junior and Senior year, I attended a summer stock cattle call audition. Several local and regional troupes attended and made offers based on one 90-second song audition. I had some less than favorable offers, but was determined not to work at the Gas Company again. After turning down a troupe that paid nothing, a friend of my roommate called to say her friend needed guys that could dance. I drove out to Scituate (one of my favorite routes for meter reading) and auditioned for Showstoppers Dinner Theatre. Doug, the owner, producer, and sole employee, asked me to do a time step and sing a bit of a song, then hired me on the spot to be a sailor in Anything Goes. We would rehearse for 3 weeks and have 4 weeks of performances. During the first rehearsal in an unairconditioned church hall, we learned the choreography for the 88 counts of 8 that made the big dance number of the title song. That show kicked my ass and I lost all body fat and leaned-down to the best shape I’ve ever been in. Halfway through the run, I found out that 2 of the ensemble were here from Ithaca and that Doug had found them a place to live and a part-time job. I told him I needed a job, so he hired me to assist him for the rest of the summer. I painted and constructed sets, pulled costumes from storage, cleaned dressing rooms, worked in the box office, coordinated meal orders with the kitchen, acted as maitre’d, host, bus boy, and greeter, tour bus coordinator, usher, prop master, and sound and light engineer. On top of that, I was rehearsing and performing in every show. I was there at 8am every day and leaving at 2am most days. I was in heaven and I miss it so. The pay was below minimum wage, but I didn’t care. I assisted with choreography and vocal rehearsal for a children’s summer production of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat while also performing 3 of the adult roles and running spot light and front of house. I co-developed and ran an after-school program for kids in one of the local schools and still performed in 2 productions and a tours to New Hampshire, Colorado and Florida while still attending my senior year of college, and when I graduated, Doug made me Associate Producer full-time, where I ran most things on my own so he could spend time with his family, assisted with another summer kids production (this time only with one dance number to fill-in for), more after school programs, and more tours. At the dinner theatre, I would sell the tickets, greet the guests, seat them, bus tables, change into my costume, perform, change back to my suit to work the dessert course during intermission, go back to costume to perform the second act, then back into the suit to escort the guests out, or perform in the post-show cabaret in the lounge. The lessons learned here were myriad, and it would take too long to list them. Work ethics, loving what you do and doing it well, having fun while you work, building relationships with colleagues and customers, and hard work were the cornerstones. It was exhausting, exhilarating, and the most fun I’ve ever had in a job before or since. I was overpaid and underworked and I would do it again in a heartbeat.

After 2 years there full-time, Doug moved us to a new restaurant partner in a new location. Unfortunately, after less than a year, they stole money from us, locked us out of our theatre, and thus started a legal battle. I was out of a job while they went to court, so I went looking for something, anything in the arts. I landed at a theatre production company in Boston. Well-established in the educational theatre space, they specialized in producing touring theatrical productions geared toward middle and high school students. We offered them shows that included 5 short stories of American classics dramatized with a cast of 5 actors, full sound, lights and sets. My initial job was to contact and coordinate the technical and financial specs of the theaters and halls across the country to build the tours. I was there for about a year (2 seasons) when I was recruited to move up to assist the Artistic Director. In that role, I coordinated casting calls in NYC, Chicago and Boston, worked with the Producer on hiring the actors, negotiated contracts and temporary housing, scheduling rehearsals and playing referee/translator between the Producer and Artistic Director whose relationship was well established, yet strained and complicated. At the heart of the entrance to the office and the bullpen of reservationists, I was the de facto receptionist, back-up reservation coordinator, and back-up assistant to the Producer/Owner/Founder. Aa Tony-winning Broadway producer, she was difficult and not easy to please. Handling the two strong energies between them, and handling everything she threw at me, gained me a status that granted me a lot of perks and a lot of extra responsibility (with none of the compensation). She went through 4 personal assistants during the 7 years I was there. During that time, I was the backup assistant, and guided each of the new assistants through their training and pitfalls, called during vacations for inane tasks that could have been handled by her assistant, sitting in the car so her nanny could come use the bathroom without parking the car or waking the baby, screening calls she didn’t want to take – you’ve all seen Devil Wears Prada – it was similar. From this job, I learned how to deal with difficult people, how to deal with celebrities, copyediting scripts, the politics or Broadway, dealing with egos, dealing with actors, dealing with stagehands, dealing with Teamsters, booking travel, booking and re-booking discounts for millionaires when you can’t afford to eat… and the list goes on. I did get to see a lot of free shows in Boston, and made friends with a lot of the local critics and producers, but in the end, the tension and working environment was toxic and it had to end. I still talk to other ‘survivors’ of our time there.

After asking me to do something she had no right to ask, then firing me for mentioning this to her, then trying to take away my unemployment benefits (she lost, and tried and failed the same thing with everyone since then), I landed a job at a music booking agency because of the very skills I learned from the last job. This agency specialized in Jazz and World Music artists. They were well established in the US, and had a strong footing in Europe, though there were many boutique agencies in the US and Europe that they competed with. I was brought in to assist two female strong-willed agents that could not/would not work together in the same way – sound familiar? I was to assist them with their bookings and keep the peace/translate between them. Their styles were diametrically opposite and that exacerbated the disdain and frustration they felt with each other. It was toxic beyond toxic. They tried to play the outgoing assistant against each other and drove her away. Being well-versed in this behavior, I jumped in and kept it all afloat and sorted. After a year or two, one of them left (the nicer one, obviously), and I continued assisting the remaining one, eventually taking-over some of her territory as a junior agent. She was NOT happy about it and only relinquished the territories she didn’t want. When the owner gave me some of her “friends” (she thought that, they definitely did not) as clients, and they immediately warmed to me, she complained and demanded to take them back, giving me her other undesirables. I grew my territory and the owner gave me more and more responsibilities and territory. Her rough American pushy nature ruffled a lot of feathers in Europe, so many of her remaining clients preferred to talk to me to finish deals rather than listen to her “show me the money” demands. Artists’ managers called to talk to me when she wasn’t around. I was my own agent, but acting as her assistant because of her manner. She eventually screwed the owner by starting her own agency under his nose and stealing several clients. Suddenly, I was the only agent for Europe, Asia and Africa. We hired other agents that came and went, but over 11 years there, my territories shifted and changed to a rag tag disconnected collection of problematic areas. Wars, financial collapse, political upheaval, visa issues, and an aging clientele brought a steep decline to my carved-out territories. Having seniority (read: pay scale) and the worst-performing territories (read: low income) = a buyout to leave. Having been burned before, the owner’s stipulations included that I could not discuss my departure, and could not work in the industry for one year. I gladly accepted following one of the last shows I booked. Maybe one day I will tell that story here, and though the artist has passed on, there could still be implications if I made it public. Stay tuned….
From this job, the longest of my careers so far, I learned a lot about deceit, back-stabbing, pettiness, slavery (I was, literally, selling people), overpromising, and the Artist as a commodity (the finances of a world-renown jazz vocalist will break your heart when you work out what the contract pays vs. what she actually takes home vs. what her managers take home). It’s not all negative, I also learned a lot about contract language, copyright, international travel and visas, currency exchange, high-end performance technology, riders, working with difficult people, customer service (for buyers, performers and managers), conflict resolution, conflict mitigation, interpersonal relationships via phone, email, and in person, professional travel, trade conference presentation, marketing, sales, website and software design, and how to decompress/separate work from home life.

I started this blog during the transition from the agency to unemployment. I had received in the mail my first digital SLR camera on the same day I was bought-out, so my first post is a collection of photos I took trying out the features of the camera on my first day of unemployment. I stated at the beginning that I wasn’t sure what this would be, or where I would be going. Several of my Artists and Managers reached out to me to offer me positions and to ask my advice, and I had to tell them why I couldn’t. The truth was, I didn’t want to be in that world anymore. If I could tell you that last story, and you knew my family background, you’d understand. (Hint.)

After months of looking around for my third (5th?) career, I had an interview at Harvard Medical School that I had heard about from a friend (a former actor from the theatre company, actually). I had never considered academia – all of the positions I had been applying for were in the Arts, Event Planning and Customer Service. This job wasn’t a good fit for either of us, and both the interviewer and I knew it, but my husband happened to mention it to his colleague that I was there that day. His colleague’s wife worked in HR at MIT at the time, and asked why I hadn’t reached out to her. The truth is, I hadn’t thought of it. I thought I wanted non-profit in the arts, not in academia. While she had nothing for me, she suggested where I should look on the MIT campus. I landed at a very small office where…you guessed it… there were two strong women, slightly at-odds and not listening to each other, running the show. I met with the operations manager first, who grilled me on what I did and didn’t know. She brought me in to meet with the Executive Director, who loudly proclaimed “I don’t know why I’m meeting with this guy!” from her office (within earshot) only moments before sitting down to interview me. I was not hopeful, but after a month of silence, they offered me the job (after their first choices didn’t work out, I later found out). The HR manager, in my offer call, asked if I had any concerns. I told her that I was concerned that I’d be the stupidest one in the room. She assured me that the entire Institute was run by former theatre majors keeping the smart people running, and that I was desperately needed. I’ve been at this job for 6.5 years now, the longest of any of my colleagues besides my boss. She has since drastically changed her view of me from that first meeting to constantly proclaiming: “what would I do without you?!” While I did not have domain expertise (the US Healthcare System and all its flaws), I have had to tap into and hone nearly all of my previously learned skills of customer service, time management, working as a team, navigating bureaucracy, patience, resilience copyediting, contract language, copyright, travel, working with difficult people, customer service, conflict resolution, conflict mitigation, interpersonal relationships via phone, email, and in person, trade conference presentation, marketing, sales, website and software design. To that, I used my theatrical production skills for event planning, event material production, front-of-house management, A/V needs, and run-of-show planning for our highly complex multi-dimensional workshops. I also have become proficient in PowerPoint, as it is a tool used daily in our work, The domain content is slowly seeping in, but only enough to keep me from not being completely lost in conversations. I know the history, the players, and where all the bodies (files) are buried, so I’ve also become a repository of the things that may have fallen through the cracks.

Things are constantly changing in this job. I don’t know which previous experience gave me the ability to nimbly switch from one topic to another, or to completely change course on a plan at the drop of a hat, but it’s there, because that is the nature of the position I’m in now. Was it babysitting toddlers? Was it the dozen-or-so positions I filled every day at the dinner theatre? Maybe it’s inherent in the non-linear path of my work life?

I know this is a rambling post, but the prompt intrigued me, especially when I looked back at the strange, seemingly disconnected path that lead me to where I am now. I hope you will take a moment to look back (or forward!) at your career path and see where your experiences can be knit together to make you the ideal candidate for any job you want, regardless of how the requirements of the position are worded. Translate your experience into skills needed for that job, especially if it’s not obvious from what they see in your CV.

So… what jobs have you held?

Perspective, Connection, Acceptance

Don’t overlook or devalue the highlights of life,
Blind from the deep shadows of the darker times.
Varying in magnitude, or existing in perfect balance,
Cherish each crest and dip simply for being
And celebrate your ability to experience it
.

A stream-of-consciousness list of corresponding emotional points over the last 10 days (May 14-23, 2023):

Mother’s Day, this year, happened to coincide with the 4th anniversary of my Mother’s passing. We were coming home from a weekend away with friends and I chose to quietly honor her memory by myself and not remind others about it. I avoided social media and threw myself into sewing and cleaning once we got home.

After a routine colonoscopy discovered an aggressive form of colon cancer attacking my brother, he went in for surgery to have it removed one year ago today (May 23). The procedure took longer than anticipated, but, by all accounts, was successful and the surgeons were confident they removed all of the cancer. We were all hopeful and thankful. A few hours later, I received a phone call to tell me that he had not woken up from recovery and was non-responsive. He had suffered a massive stroke, but since he was in recovery from the surgery, they were not sure how long his brain had been without oxygen. When they revived him, the cancer care was put to the side while they focused on recovery from the stroke. Months and months of physical, speech and occupational therapy have both shown results and taken their toll, emotionally and financially. Last week, (the Wednesday after Mother’s Day) his PET scan showed that the cancer has metastasized to the lungs, stomach and pelvis. Stage 4. Terminal.
We were all devastated. Within minutes, I had flights and a hotel in my cart and had talked to my boss, but his wife said that they would come up here to see as many people as possible, rather than having people come there. Whichever path he chooses going forward, I will respect it and celebrate his life while he is here to celebrate with.

Last Friday, I went to celebrate a friend’s birthday at Kowloon. We share a love of rum and mid-century pseudo-Polynesian Tiki kitsch, so I was excited to go, especially since the owners had recently announced they were looking to sell the iconic property to a developer and downsize the business to take-out only. It was a fun and wonderful evening, even when we acknowledged it was the anniversary of a friend’s passing 2 years earlier. She had passed very suddenly and unexpectedly, leaving her spouse and small child.

Saturday, I took part in a cabaret fundraiser for the local YMCA. We were raising money to assist children in attending their after school arts programs. It was a fun, “let’s put on a show” – Judy Garland & Andy Rooney kind of affair – a great distraction, and it was wonderful to be on stage again after so long. Our friend’s child takes part in this arts programming, and while it was wonderful to see his filmmaking, and to witness what an amazing, compassionate young man he is becoming, it made me sad to think of his mother not being there, and how he and his surviving parent must feel that emptiness in these situations so keenly.

Sunday, I volunteered for the first ever Salem Cat Scavenger Hunt. I walked around town (14,000+ steps!) assisting teams with hints when they were stuck on clues, and acted as a “bonus” item for anyone that took a picture with me in my cat shirt. Again, it was another welcome distraction from the emotional rollercoaster of the preceding days – this time without a sad undertone. Talking to visitors and hearing their perspectives and thoughts is what brings me back to doing this kind of volunteer work, and cat people (we have 2 now) are a . . . unique, passionate, and quirky group. It was a busy and tiring weekend!

Yesterday (Monday), my husband called me in the middle of the day – a rare occurrence, since he is a teacher and should have been in class. He, very calmly, said to me:

We just had an announcement that there is an active shooter on campus. We were told to ‘get down or get out.’ You never know how these things will go, so I was calling to tell you I love you. The students fled and I am gathering my stuff to leave.

When he hung up, my heart dropped into my stomach and I began to shake. I pulled his contact up on my screen and refreshed the location feature constantly. After 5 minutes of watching his locator not move from his office, I was frantic. He texted me to say that he couldn’t leave. He had tried to go down the stairs, but heard someone yell “Get down on the ground!” below, so he quietly walked back to his office, locked the door, and turned off the lights. For over an hour, neither of us knew what was going on. He was alone and isolated in a dark room with the potential of harm or death at any moment, his only connection to the outside world through text. I was alone in our condo trying to find news reports, waiting for texts from him, and updating the half dozen individual and group chats of friends that had heard about it. In the end, it was a hoax call (swatting) that escalated when a local officer’s gun went off in one of the school bathrooms accidentally. Suddenly, a few local policemen were joined by other town police, a SWAT team, and the State police. He was stuck in the dark office for over an hour while they swept every building, gathered everyone up and escorted them to a central location. We are both home today. He because classes were suspended to make time for counseling and planning; me because I want to be here when he needs to be hugged or needs to talk about it.

He tells the story from his perspective eloquently and in the same calm voice he spoke to me in.

Perspective:
I am (relatively) healthy. My husband is alive and by my side. I am lucky.

Connection:
We have friends and family that care about us and that we care about. Shared experiences and interests can connect us, even if we are strangers.

Acceptance:
Death is inevitable. Safety is never guaranteed. Life/plans/priorities can change in an instant. It can be caused by a medical test, a phone call, a decision made, or through the actions of others.

Online Happy Hours

Probably, like me, you thought Virtual Happy Hours were a good idea for keeping-up morale and for giving a forum for casual, non-work conversations. It was a place for the water cooler talk, where you can catch-up on gossip, and maybe overhear some tidbits and gain insights into projects you were all working on separately.

For us, the first few went well and were fun for everyone participating. Then Zoom Fatigue kicked in, and the last thing anyone wanted to do was to spend even more time in front of the computer, even if it was for a (some would consider forced) social call.

When we started, it was great to see and interact with those colleagues that I didn’t directly work with, but had shared an office space with in The Before Time. We all had stories to tell, and lots to catch-up on, so it had an easy, casual flow to it. As the instigator, I felt as though I always had to host this virtual open house party, so I would diligently pour myself something to sip, fill my water bottle, adjust my lighting, and sign on early. I would minimize the screen and continue working on a project until someone else signed on, or I would completely shut-down work so I wouldn’t look at it, as if we were actually meeting at a bar.

After an initial success, attendance eventually dropped down to the same 3 or 4 of us. Two of us saw each other several times a day, so we relied on others joining. Sometimes there was an existing work tension between some of the people that logged on. In a larger group, that would have been diluted, but more than once I was the the one on the virtual bar stool between two warring factions. I was Switzerland. When it became the same group every time, we started cancelling them more often, making them less frequent, or tried to change the day and time to accommodate others. When that failed, they just ended.

There are a few valuable lessons and skills I observed while hosting these drop-in sessions that can work to make awkward social gatherings (virtual or otherwise) FLOW better for everyone:

Facilitate the discussion. Be the unobtrusive host, if there isn’t one identified. As an extrovert surrounded by introverted friends, I have learned how to keep parties going by identifying those that would be comfortable engaging in conversation, and sprinkling seeds about things they get excited or talkative about. Bring like-minded individuals together by bringing-up something you know about each of them that they didn’t know they had in common. Coerce a story you may have heard a million times out of someone in front of a timid audience that hasn’t heard it. Don’t force, but facilitate smooth, relaxed conversations.

Listen when someone is speaking. This seems like a no-brainer, but so many people are bad listeners. We all know someone that loves to hear themselves speak, or lives to one-up every story. They are typically the ones that ask “How was your weekend?” only so they can tell you about theirs. You can see them waiting for their turn to talk. In a Zoom meeting, you can see everyone (in gallery view) at the same time. That means that when I am talking, I can clearly see you checking your email, texting or playing a game on your phone, or talking to someone off-camera. Think of how incredibly rude it would be if we were all in person and you opened your laptop or started playing a game on your phone in front of the person talking. Just because this is a social situation, and you are interacting virtually, doesn’t mean you have to be disrespectful. Listen to each other and be present where you (virtually) are.

Own what you say, be open to new ideas and respect other’s opinions. These go for everyone at any time, not just at happy hour. Again, you’d think that this is pretty easy and straight forward. If you are going to state your own opinion, then make sure you mean it, because others will disagree or have differing opinions they will share. Don’t spout off some popular opinion that you don’t really believe, as you may just get called on it, and don’t be absolute in your opinions. If you say “Grape jelly is the only appropriate choice in a peanut butter and jelly sandwich!” you had better be sure about it because someone else will say “No, strawberry!” or “Almond butter and orange marmalade is better.” be respectful and open to other opinions. (To make this ‘argument’ more realistic, insert ANY political opinion)

Work should stay AT WORK. This is a hard one. Think of What Happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas. – use this time to unwind from work. Don’t use this time to complain about your job, or, more importantly, about other workers. Unlike the aforementioned Vegas slogan, what is said in the (virtual) bar, could easily find its way to the office – to a boss or to the one they are talking about. This should be a time for office bonding. It is acceptable to bond over workloads, or Mondays, or long weeks, etc. but steer clear of specifics, especially if they could break bonds. Two people complaining about a co-worker with three others over drinks could easily become five against one when everyone returns to the office. That’s not the type of bonding you want. Stick to non-work discussions.

Have you hosted or participated in a virtual social situation for work? With the holidays coming up, I assume most of us will be forced to attend at least one. I’d love to hear your thoughts or any tips and tricks you’ve learned in the comments below.

Bartender! Another round, please.

Quarantine Staycations – Part 2

Note: This is the second installment of a two part series. Part 1 can be found here.

Background:
In an earlier post from April, I offered advice on creating a “Verifiable Weekend” while working from home by either creating or breaking routines (if you missed it, I suggest taking a look at Making Time When It All Blends Together – the weekend section is at the end). With all of our travel plans cancelled and the inability to leave (or return to) the state without a 72-hour COVID-19 negative test, health attestation application, or 14-day quarantine, I have not really thought about taking vacation time. As the end of Summer looms here in New England, and as the Zoom fatigue starts bearing down, however, maybe now is the time to take some time away. I blocked time in my boss’ calendar to make sure she took some time off to de-stress and re-center. I should do the same for myself, and so should you.

Part 2: What if you can leave your house, but can’t leave the state?

Part 1 focused on suggestions for those that have to stay at home. Part 2 will broaden the scope to those that are healthy enough to travel locally, but cannot cross state lines. Since I live in Salem, I will be highlighting day trips within Massachusetts – however, I hope the ideas might inspire you to search for similar trips in your area.

Where to begin?

Planning:
The key to any successful trip, in my opinion, is very careful planning. I chose those words intentionally – I am not saying completely planning every moment, but thinking strategically about the entire trip and being carefully selective in planning key elements. Taking the time to research and make these plans ahead of your vacation will ensure that your time on vacation is spent relaxing and enjoying yourself.

One thing that is very important to schedule: Serendipity. Wait, what?!? “But Eric!”(I hear you say) “Serendipity is defined as the occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way. How can I schedule that?!” When planning your vacation, be sure to schedule free time to let unexpected things happen.

Consider these scenarios:
After arriving at your destination, a local gives you a suggestion of something you simply must do when you are there. If you’ve scheduled every moment, you would be forced to chose whether or not to cancel one of your plans to fit the new adventure in. Or maybe, because you’ve scheduled so many activities or tours, there is no time to enjoy the beautiful pool, the fire pit, or the hot tub where you are staying. What if something took longer than you expected on your Day 1 itinerary? If you’ve scheduled serendipity for Day 3, you can go back and finish anything you skipped, or go back to check out that quirky-looking antique book store that you quickly passed during the hidden secrets walking tour.

Brochures found at the local visitors center

Or, if you are adventurous, you can throw caution to wind and play Lobby Brochure Roulette! Each member of your party closes their eyes and grabs a random brochure, then everyone agrees on one of those chosen (depending on cost, distance, if reservations are needed, physical limitations, etc), and that is what you are doing for the day! As a very good friend of ours used to say:

Let whimsy be your blind date!

James Nance, Gentleman & Scholar

Of course, please also schedule downtime. If you go on three major hikes in three days, you are going to need some time to rest and recover.

Day Trips

A few years ago, I noticed that we worked so hard during the week that we never thought about the weekend until we were in it. Sick of wasting time, and longing to do some of the things we always talked about doing, I filled a jar with day trip ideas. The plan was that we would choose one (Friday night or early in the morning) and that would be what we would do. Here is the list I came up with all those years ago, in case you want to start your own Day Trip Jar (again, this is only going to appeal to the Massachusetts crowd, but note there are some out-of-state options included):
DAY TRIPS

Here in Massachusetts, we are in phase 3, step 1 of reopening, which allows for restaurants (indoor and outdoor), hotels, museums, gyms, outdoor venues, and movie theaters to be open. All businesses that have been allowed to open so far have been given very specific and strict restrictions and regulations to keep both their employees and the public safe.

Please research and adhere to all regulations posted by each place you visit. Most businesses require you to wear a mask when in their establishment, and to practice social distancing requirements. A good rule of thumb, when in doubt, is to wear your mask and stay 6 feet from others, even if it is not required. Be a good citizen. Protect yourself and help to protect others.

Finding the Fun: Vacations should be relaxing, yes, but they should also be fun. Whether you have a family, are a solo traveler, or it’s just the two of you, remember to play.

Play Tourist: Is there a museum, attraction, or historic spot in your own home town that you have never been to because that’s for tourists?! Well now is your chance to be a tourist. In all likelihood, the crowds that usually flock to these places are not doing so right now, so you will have the luxury of it not being crowded, and you will be supporting your local economy. Find a walking tour, either self-guided, or by a local expert. We are lucky enough to have Salem Food Tours, and I expect the nationwide trend of eating/playing/drinking locally means that you probably have one in your city, or one nearby. Maybe you can find a tour of haunted places, or hop on a Segway, a trolley, a kayak, a schooner, or a duck boat that brings you all around the city. You’ll be surprised at the things you learn, and you’ll be better prepared with options when you have future visitors that are looking for something to do.

Play Photojournalist: Here on this blog, I tend to let the photos speak for themselves (see Salem Willows, Witchcraft Victims’ Memorial in Danvers, and the Atlanta Botanical Gardens, for examples), usually because I’ve taken too many photos! Try to be more like the staff of The Atlantic: take your camera (or camera phone) with you and take photos of everything you see, noting special details on a small pocket notebook (or in your phone’s Notes), so when you get home, you can create a full narrative of your day. Try making a short slideshow video with narration or subtitles and post it to YouTube, or start a blog and write-out a full story, weaving the photos throughout. If you are a savvy social media Influencer, create interest in your content by posting the photos in a series, releasing one photo at a time with accompanying captions on Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram, Twitter, or Tik Tok. Heck, you could even create your own book to give as gifts! In the same way that playing tourist in a familiar place can make you see things you’ve overlooked, photographing something with the intent to convey the feeling and sense of a place to someone else can be a wonderful exercise in seeing the world in a unique and meaningful way.

Play Researcher: We don’t have children, but this is definitely the kind of thing we would do with them on a regular basis if we did:

1. Pick a location.

2. Go to the Library (or the internet, if your libraries aren’t open) and do research pertinent to that location.

3. Visit the location, where the Researcher acts as guide and teacher for everyone else.

Examples: Pick a historic place and have the researcher point out the things they learned in their research. Find an autobiography of a local person and visit their home, or all of the local places mentioned in the book. Choose a specific period/style/culture and visit an art, history, or science museum, where the researcher acts as docent. Learn about local flora and fauna and take a walk in a nearby forest, beach, or tide pool, where the researcher can identify specimens. Choose one animal or a remote location (like the Serengeti) and visit a zoo where the researcher can teach about the natural habitat or attributes of the animals. Choose a city block that contains many different architectural styles or features and point out the ones they have learned about. Learn about the three major classical orders of columns (Doric, Ionic, & Corinthian) then walk around a city and point them out.

Several of the items found on the Day Trips list lend themselves to these approaches, and I believe these approaches bring a form of engagement to your activities that can make everyone appreciate and enjoy the trip in a special way.

Overnight Trips

As I mentioned earlier, hotels are now open (with restrictions), as well as campgrounds, home shares, and B&B’s in Massachusetts. Basically, the only things not open are arenas, gambling facilities, theme parks, and other high-capacity venues, along with any non-medical close contact services (massage, waxing, etc.). So if your plans involve large gatherings or a stranger getting up-close-and-personal, then you are out of luck.

A lot of the same rules and ideas apply, but keep in mind:
1. Research what is open and what the local regulations are.
2. Wear a mask (bring several – at least one per day, or plan to disinfect it).
3. Always stay socially distant from those people that are not part of your pandemic pod.
4. Find out if you may need to reserve a specific time to enter certain museums or buildings, and plan accordingly.
5. Check all of the meal options in the area. Do the restaurants offer delivery or pick-up? Consider packing a cooler with pre-made muffins, sandwiches, charcuterie, snacks and water to limit the contact with delivery persons to one meal per day.
6. Pack disinfecting wipes, disposable gloves, and hand sanitizer.

Hotels:
If you walk into a hotel and the person behind the desk is not wearing a mask (or wearing it incorrectly), turn right around and stay somewhere else. This goes for any member of the staff.

If you can, check before you book if the hotel is making safety a priority. Feel free to call them and ask what they are doing to curb the pandemic. If you do not feel comfortable with their practices, book somewhere else. The most important thing right now is that you feel safe during your vacation.

Camping:
My husband’s idea of camping is staying on the Club Level at the Wilderness Lodge, but we have family with RVs and campers. I think those that have the money (and parking space) for an RV are the luckiest during this time. While some campgrounds still remain closed, there are many that are open with restrictions (communal bathing houses and restrooms are hard to control). If your hotel room is on wheels in an RV, you have the most control over your environment. You know if every surface has been thoroughly disinfected, and you can sleep in comfort knowing that you are safe. Unfortunately, this is a luxury most of us cannot afford. If you are camping in a tent, the idea is similar, however, you may be beholden to using the campground public facilities, which can be risky.

Home Sharing:
Unlike corporate hotels, Home Share sites have no governance when it comes to requiring compliance with CDC guidelines and keeping a safe and clean accommodation. I suggest, when making your search for such an accommodation, that you only consider properties where you can contact the owner directly and can ask them how they clean the house between guests. If you do go this route, I would highly recommend bringing your own disinfecting wipes and cleaning products. This is easily done, since you are likely driving to this location – no flight restrictions!

Cash or Card?:
COVID-19 has further divided the populace on the question of cash vs. card. I have seen both extremes, with a drive-through cashier refusing to handle a card (even with gloves) to gas station attendants not accepting cash. It’s hard to know what you will face, so I suggest being ready to use either. Remember: you are the visitor, the guest, in this place – act with grace and humility. If someone balks at you handing them cash, whip out your card, do NOT argue with them or become a Karen. They are risking their health, and the health of their families to provide you with whatever service you are asking for, so please be civil and patient.

Packing Clothing:
Unfortunately, I think you will have to pack twice as much as you normally would. We don’t really know how long the coronavirus can stay active on clothing, but if an asymptomatic carrier should cough on you, or you somehow brush against a hard surface that is infected, you are not going to want to wear that clothing again until it’s been washed and disinfected. Pack large zip seal bags in your suitcase to collect dirty laundry, and wash your hands thoroughly after putting them in the bags. When you get home, wear gloves when handling the laundry, or wash thoroughly after putting them in the machine. Make sure you use a high heat setting on the dryer.

Scared yet?

It is certainly not my intention to frighten you out of taking a vacation – just the opposite. I want you to have the vacation you deserve and to do so in a healthy, relaxing, and memorable way. It’s in my nature to plan for the worst and expect the best, but I am also an advocate for adding fun and frivolity to everyday life to keep it interesting.

I hope you enjoyed this series of posts. I’d love to hear your thoughts on how you make the most of your vacation time during a pandemic, and if you’ve taken any of my ideas, I’d absolutely love to hear how it went! Leave a comment below.

Stay safe.

Quarantine Staycations – Part 1

In an earlier post from April, I offered advice on creating a “Verifiable Weekend” while working from home by either creating or breaking routines (if you missed it, I suggest taking a look at Making Time When It All Blends Together – the weekend section is at the end). With all of our travel plans cancelled and the inability to leave (or return to) the state without a 72-hour COVID-19 negative test, health attestation application, or 14-day quarantine, I have not really thought about taking vacation time. As the end of Summer looms here in New England, and as the Zoom fatigue starts bearing down, however, maybe now is the time to take some time away. I blocked time in my boss’ calendar to make sure she took some time off to de-stress and re-center. I should do the same for myself, and so should you.

Where to begin?

Planning:
The key to any successful trip, in my opinion, is very careful planning. I chose those words intentionally – I am not saying completely planning every moment1, but thinking strategically about the entire trip and being carefully selective in planning key elements. Taking the time to research and make these plans ahead of your vacation will ensure that your time on vacation is spent relaxing and enjoying yourself.

Part 1: What if you have to stay at home?

Think of your space differently:
If you have been working from home like some of us, you likely have a room, or just a space, where you work remotely. Plan to erase all signs of work from that space when it’s time for vacation. Put your laptop, notebooks, files, coffee cup, pens, lamps – whatever you added to that space to make it a workspace – into a closet or someplace where it is out of sight and out of mind. You want to be able to use this space during your vacation, and don’t want to be reminded of work. Reclaim it for relaxing. Set-up a puzzle, or a complex board game, or tools for a new hobby on your desk. If you’ve taken over the dining room table for working, make sure it’s cleared and use it for it’s original purpose. Eat all of your meals there2.

Change your bedroom into a hotel room by ordering a new set of sheets or duvet cover online, wash them, and wait to put them on until the morning your vacation has officially started. It’s like you’re in a new bed! Put some water bottles and a magazine or two by the bed, and maybe add a bottle of champagne in an ice bucket on the dresser. Plan to “make it an early night” (wink wink) one night and open that bubbly, or plan to wake up on one of the mornings and stay in bed being lazy with a magazine and a mimosa. Make an agreement on who is going to make the coffee and bring it to the other – maybe you switch each day. Order some luxurious bathrobes that you don’t use until the vacation. Spend your lazy day wearing nothing but those robes. If you have the space (and the physical ability), re-arrange the furniture so your bed is in a different spot. If you have the luxury of owning a guest room, stay there during the vacation The idea is that you want to make it not feel like your every day experience.

Turn your bathroom into a Spa. Like the sheets and the bathrobe, maybe you can order a plush set of new towels. They could just be a new color. If you want to go whole-hog, buy a new shower curtain and bath mat to match. Once you have these things, they can be integrated into your everyday or saved for special staycations in the future – either way, you will associate the fond memories made during this time with these items every time you see them. The night before your vacation starts, swap out all of the soap, shampoo, toothpaste and mouthwash with travel toiletries you’ve collected from hotel rooms in the past. If you don’t have any – order some fancy sample-sized bottles (try Ulta, Sephora, Aveda or this guide). Pull all of the facial masks, nail polish, scrubs, bubble baths, and other unused products out from under your sink and use them! Give each other a massage or paint each other’s toes.

Think of food differently:
You may have noticed that I included your coffee cup in the list of things to hide earlier, and I mean it. If you drink from the same mug every day at your “desk,” then hide it and use a different one during your vacation. Do you have unused china tea cups and saucers in a cupboard? Use them. Why not change your coffee brand or blend for this time, or switched to iced coffee or tea? Your morning brew isn’t the only thing that can receive an upgrade. If you do have a set of dishes that is only used for special occasions, use it for all of your meals. This is a special occasion, and you’d be surprised how a plain old lunch sandwich can look right-at-home on an antique Royal Doulton gold-rimmed salad plate!

If you have the money (and you might, since you are saving so much in airfare, hotel, and other costs!), plan to order delivery for every dinner. Think of it as Room Service. Alternately, you can pre-plan most of your meals by prepping them in advance, start a trial meal subscription service to coincide with your vacation, make your own box based on a recipe you’ve been wanting to try, or find a complicated or time-consuming recipe that will give you a chance to work together in the kitchen preparing the meal. Try your hand at making croissants from scratch. The process can take 2-3 days (mostly downtime), and on the day they are baked, plan to enjoy breakfast croissants with jam, picnic sandwiches on croissants, and maybe a croissant bread pudding for dessert that night. Can’t think of meals? Research the menus from your favorite restaurants, or ones that you’ve always wanted to go to, and try to re-create a dish that intrigues you. When planning any this out, think of clean-up. There is no maid coming in to clean your room every day, and you don’t want to spend most of your time washing dishes.

Do you ever make Brunch at home? If not, now is the time to do so. Similarly, if you skip breakfast during the work week, think of taking the time to make yourself a full breakfast – pretend you’re at a diner and make some eggs, bacon, toast and homefries. Now is the time to indulge in a doughnut or bagel from the local bakery. Dust off that waffle iron you’ve barely used, or prepare an overnight breakfast casserole that you can slip in the oven while you are making coffee to bring back to bed for your loved one.

Turn lunch into a picnic, even if you don’t have an outdoor space. Picnics can be romantic (and bug free) in the living room, in bed, or on the floor of the kitchen. We have 2 parking spots behind our condo, and we’ve been using the empty one lately as a patio where we set-up beach chairs and sit with our coffee or read a book. And, I don’t think I really need to give you permission, but remember: You are on vacation, so wine, beer and cocktails (especially fruity or frozen) are acceptable during any waking hour of a vacation. A Mimosa or a Bloody Mary during breakfast/brunch, wine with lunch or dinner, a preprandial and/or postprandial cocktail, or a nightcap are all acceptable (in moderation – best not to include all in one day – don’t overdo it). Invest in some proper glassware3, decorations and garnishes if you are going for something tropical. Find a few new drinks to try. I highly recommend diving into a few episodes of How to Drink.

Think of activities differently:
What types of activities do you usually do on vacation? Do you go to theme parks, camping, hiking, site seeing, or maybe for a cultural experience? Try to find correlations in the activities you are able to do while confined to home with your favorite aspects of your typical vacation.

Keep in mind these three tenets of successful quarantine staycationing:

Enjoy this time off from work: You deserve it.
Relive and cherish the memories of past vacations.
Do not dwell on the fact that you cannot be there right now.

If you do find yourself becoming depressed, start to plan your future trip. Even if you can’t book a date, you can start to make a list of what you want to do, and start a budget to be ready for that moment when you will be able to take that dream vacation.

If your typical vacation revolves around a theme park, really think of what it is that you most enjoy during those trips. Is it the food? The entertainment? The attractions? The togetherness? The food can be recreated (even Dole Whips) with just a little effort. Try making one of your favorite special treats. Find a playlist online of the theme park’s music and play it while making and eating these treats. Look through those photo albums that you made that are collecting dust on the shelf (or the 137 photos and videos you took on your phone last time) and re-live those memories (or live vicariously through someone else’s). Find videos of the parades, rides, or fireworks that you love and watch them together.

If your typical vacation involves camping and hiking, see what national parks or campgrounds in your area are open and accepting visitors. Pitch your tent in the living room (or make one out of blankets) or in your back yard. Turn off the lights and turn on a personal planetarium while you tell scary stories around some candles or a flashlight. Turn off the air conditioning and open all the windows to listen the sounds of the outdoors. Get a field guide of local flora or fauna to identify things in your neighborhood, or download a mobile app to track local bird sightings in your yard. Spend most of your time outdoors, including meals. If the weather doesn’t cooperate, or you are forced to stay indoors, use this time to plan your next adventure. Research a National Park you’ve always wanted to visit, or read accounts of hikers on a trail you feel you aren’t ready for. Work on a puzzle of a place you have been, reliving stories from that trip, perhaps while listening (or creating) the ambient sounds of that location.

If international travel is your raison d’être, spend your time at home immersing yourself in a culture you either have experienced, or wish to. Learn the language, or, if you are already fluent, work it into your daily speech. Try your hand at the cuisine, taking care to research regional specialties and new ingredients. Watch movies or television from this culture (subtitles optional), read a biography of one of their most influential residents, listen to the music, search for an online museum where you can view the art and history, study the map to find interesting regions or towns to research, and take notes in a journal to reference when you are finally able to visit these places.

If a quick weekend in NYC is your go-to vacation, sign up for a free 7-day trial of BroadwayHD, make yourself a sausage roll (extra onions), listen to some live jazz, do some online window shopping (with or without breakfast), watch Sex & the City (or any of these movies – be sure to pick a few from different eras), take a drone flight over your favorite neighborhood, visit the Met, the Guggenheim, or the Statue of Liberty, and put this on in the background.

Think of clothing differently: 
If you’ve been wearing pajama bottoms with a dress shirt and tie for your video calls at work, change things up by wearing actual matching clothes. Think of what you would pack (or go ahead an pack) in a suitcase for your typical vacation. Make it a game by choosing your possible outfits before the vacation, and then only allowing yourself to wear those clothes you’ve “brought with you.” Don’t forget a bathing suit for the pool, or evening wear for the elegant dinner you were planning. Maybe it is warm where you are, but you were planning a cruise to Alaska: crank-up the A.C. and put on your winter clothes indoors (don’t forget your scarf). Or maybe it’s winter, and you were planning a Walt Disney World trip to Florida: turn-up the heat and wear your shorts, tshirts, and bathing suit indoors. Often, people buy new clothes for a vacation, especially for cruises. Think about where you are going, and what you might need to buy. Maybe you need a sarong or a cover-up for the cabana, or big floppy hat for the beach, or some appropriately themed accessories.

In conclusion:
However you spend your time away from your virtual office, remember to enjoy yourself. Vacations are a privilege, but also a reward for the hard work we’ve put in. Make the most of what you have and what you can do, but do it for fun and for relaxation.

I hope these suggestions and tools will help you to make the most of your time off during these difficult and uneasy times. If you have suggestions or ideas of ways to enhance your own staycations, please comment below. And if you take any of my advice, I’ve love to hear about it!


1 Our Disney friends all know about my “Psycho Disney Day Planner” – a spreadsheet that is customized for each trip that plots out each day in 30 minute blocks where we can insert dining reservations, FastPasses, parade or show times, park hours, confirmation numbers, flights, and other details all on one page view. It’s extremely helpful in visualizing how the trip will flow. We take special care to include whimsy and serendipity into the scheduling, as well as rest and pool days. One day, I may share the template on Disneypages.com, or I may try to offer it as a paid service or tool for others.

2 We have seen a lot of death and heard a lot of stories of regret in the past few years, so we are both of the opinion that you should use what you have now, while you can. That includes using the “good china” and silver as often as you’d like and eating at the dining room table every day (not only on holidays).

3 My Nana used to say that tea tasted best out of a bone china cup and saucer. I stand by that, and add that proper cocktails should always be served in the proper glassware (and NEVER in plastic cups)!

Disclosure: As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases on select links.

Vision 2020

As a member of Generation X, I was privileged to grow up with, among many other significant cultural touchstones, The Funtastic World of Hanna Barbera during my formative years (for me, age 9 through my teens). Two of my favorite cartoons from that series were the mix of syndicated and new episodes of both The Flintstones and their space-age counterpart: The Jetsons!*

Supposedly, we are watching the Jetsons living their lives in the year 2062, 100 years from the original series air dates (which means we are only 42 year away as of writing this in 2020). Of course, when I was sitting at home after school or on Saturday mornings watching these cartoons, I didn’t know what year it was supposed to be. It was just “the future.”

The Future

Growing up in the 70’s/80’s/90’s, the “Future” was always just around the corner, sometime in the next millennium. We made it past 1984 and that was doubleplusgood (of course, today in America is eerily similar…). Our parents kept us from watching 2001: A Space Odyssey until we were old enough to handle the suspense, but even as we approached the millennium and it’s Y2K scare, an unthinkably long-off year still grabbed out attention: 2020.

So let’s assume I was imagining that the Jetsons were flying around in 2020. It wasn’t that far of a leap, since in 1985, the movie Back to the Future promised us we’d have a Hoverboard as well as flying cars, in 2015. Five years seemed like plenty of time to build cities in the sky. Let’s compare the Jetsons vision with what we have today.

Video Phones

How many morning Zoom meetings have you wished for a Video Phone mask?

The video phone was certainly not a new idea, but the infrastructure and the technology of the 60’s (and event the 80’s in reruns) just didn’t make it practical. Video Conferencing technology bloomed in the 70’s and belonged exclusively to large multi-national corporations, the governemt, and the evening news. In the late 80’s the video conference began being marketed for personal use, but the technology required was very expensive, and you could only call someone who also had the same set-up. The advent and adoption of cellular telephones by the masses, and the freedom (imprisonment?) of always having a phone with you and always being available to be reached, superseded the wish for video phones. The first Smartphone came out in the 90’s, though they wouldn’t be connected to the internet until 2001. Around the turn of the century, cameras started being built in, though they acted as a single feature, like a Swiss Army Knife, not an integrated application. During this smartphone boom, video conference phones (hard-lined office phones with built-in screens and cameras) evolved and grew smaller, though they still required audio and data lines. It wasn’t until 2010 that FaceTime arrived and completely changed the way people spoke on the phone. We now carry video phones in our pockets and purses.

During this pandemic, those of us that work from home find ourselves on Zoom calls for 4-8 hours each day, causing “Zoom Fatigue.” In fact, it was a casual office Zoom meeting that started the idea for this post a few months ago. We were joking about having to shower and look presentable on screen, and I alluded to Jane Jetson’s face mask for the video phone. No one had a clue as to what I was talking about, so I pulled up the video clip above and made everyone watch it.

I wonder if, when we are all allowed to go back to the office, my colleagues will still call me on Zoom for a quick question, or if they will call. I hope they will choose to walk up to my desk: I do miss that.

With the technologies of Zoom, WebEx, and Facetime, we also get Telehealth or Telemedicine. I am not the first to recognize that The Jetsons foresaw this one, too. In some regions this practice has been going on for many years, but our current situation means that a lot more of us have experienced (or soon will experience) a virtual appointment with their doctor.

In both work life and medicine – do you think we will ever go back to the old ways, or will everything become a sort of hybrid of in-person & virtual?

Moving Sidewalks

Got ’em! They just haven’t moved from the airports to our living rooms, yet.

Smart Homes

Got ’em! And people who recall “Big Brother is Watching You” from 1984 are worried. Anyone who enjoys science fiction already knows the inherent and inevitable dangers of toying with Artificial Intelligence (AI). We can only hope that the creators of our future Robot Overlords will remember Isaac Asimov’s Three Laws of Robotics:

  1. A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
  2. A robot must obey orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
  3. A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.

Cities in the Sky

The Jetsons live in the Skypad Apartments in Orbit City. All the homes and businesses in Orbit City are built on columns that allow buildings to be elevated into the sky. The city is on Earth, but we never see the ground. I can find some theories based on one episode as to what exists below these columned platforms, but I offer my own here: water. The Earth in 2062 is flooded from global warming and the planet-covering ocean is polluted with trash and plastics. Any “ground” we see would be another platform that has been terraformed to be a park (all food is made of pellets that turn into food – I assume you don’t need real food to make those).

Bleak? Maybe.
Intentional? Absolutely not.
But pretty prescient, you have to admit!

Flying Cars

Flying Car sound can be found here – of course, if you’ve ever seen the show, you heard it in your head as soon as you saw the picture… or you are making the sound right now.

We may not all have flying cars, but we’ve been promised they are coming for some time without actually getting them. Maybe we have to wait to be living in the sky city, where they would definitely be needed, before they are a priority.

Utopia(?)

Some major and glaring problems with The Jetsons today is its lack of racial diversity and treatment towards women. The Jetsons were originally created by, and reflect the ideals of, those who held authority in 1962 America: white men. There are absolutely no discernible people of color to be found at any time – even in crowds. The show was the product of the post-war American Dream and tried to emulate that. Unfortunately, at the time, that meant excluding people of color – as they were systematically excluded from this dream (EDIT: I found this amazing article after posting this part!). In this current world of Black Lives Matter (BLM) and growing, yet still insufficient, visibility for People of Color (POC) in the media, The Jetsons are blindingly white. As science teaches, modern humans emerged dark-skinned from the cradle of civilization and we will soon evolve to be the same.

Jane Jetson’s profession is listed as Homemaker. The only socially acceptable profession for a woman in this era. As with most female characters written by men, she is a cookie-cutter character: she raises the children, is obsessed with shipping and gossip, and is overwhelmed with housework (see the Rosie video below for more on that). Jokes and gags revolve around her getting her hair done, going shopping, her bad cooking, etc. In a fully-automated, push-button world, why couldn’t she have a career? George is a “Digital Index Operator,” which means he turns a computer on and off with his finger. In the real world, we know that Jane is doing all of the work, and George is getting the credit for bringing in the money.

Elroy in his personal flying pod, being delivered to school.

In the trailer, we see Elroy (the youngest) placed in his personal pod and sent off to school. This adorable post-war American Dream Nuclear Family vision grew out of the move of the populace from the cities to the suburbs, where Father, going off to work in the Big City, could drop his child off at school on the way. What a lovely, wholesome image. What do we have, instead, in 2020? Now we have children in cages.

Image: Migrants are seen outside the U.S. Border Patrol McAllen Station in a makeshift encampment in McAllen
NBC News

Authority

The Police on The Jetsons were all bumbling idiots. Harmless because of their ineptness.

Police brutality is such a systemic and global problem, that there is an entire section of the Encyclopedia Britannica devoted to it. In comedies and cartoons, the police are almost always portrayed as bumbling idiots or blowhards and in serious dramas, they are usually crooked. This has been the case since the advent of moving pictures and continues today.

When something becomes a trope, it means it’s moved beyond the agreement of the few and become an accepted, wide-spread belief.

Then there is this: https://www.ajc.com/news/nation-world/portland-oregon-mayor-tear-gassed-by-feds-during-police-declared-riot/BG7OJN3U2BAGXC52BAZQNX2ITI/

In Conclusion

Maybe our vision of the future has never been 20/20 (I know you were waiting for that pun). If 2020 were a person, I wouldn’t blame them for shutting down and sending coronavirus, murder hornets, jellyfish, and other plagues at us. We put too much pressure on 2020 to be the year of the future, and yet we seem, in some regards, to be reverting back to the past.

Please accept, on behalf of all of the humans, our humble apologies for expecting too much from you, 2020. Please sit back and relax with some trash TV and maybe some cookies, and call-off your plagues. We will set our sites on another future where Equality and Justice are more important than flying cars.

I hope this had served as an enjoyable distraction for you, and perhaps you learned something or were exposed to some new information. I’m sorry to end on such negative (though real) issues, so here is an Opus on the appreciation of Rosie the Robot:

The Ideal Maid

I’d love to hear your thoughts on “Promises of the Future” that you envisioned for 2020 (or earlier) that have or have not come to life. Please comment below.

*BONUS: while doing research for the dates and links, I found out about The Partridge Family 2200 A.D. for the first time. The concept was began as a 1974 studio pitch for a reboot for the original Jetson family, but 10 years in the future. Some studio exec decided, instead, to create a spin-off of the recently cancelled Partridge family. Far out!

Selfish Thoughts or Gratitude?

Last year, I lost my mother in May, my boss lost her father in August, and then I lost my aunt (my Mom’s sister) in November (on the same day my father had passed 9 years earlier). All of them had dealt with illnesses that had tinged the dark, deep grief with a dim glow of relief that they were no longer suffering. At the time it feels wrong to have that little glow of relief, but I have learned to accept it. Now, when a friend is grieving in the same way, the comfort I can offer them is the acknowledgment that this dichotomy of emotions is not only healthy and valid, but can be tapped into to gain the strength to get through the celebrations and obligations that are part of this process.

We have seen a few friends lose parents or siblings during this global pandemic and systemic lock down, and my heart always grieves a little deeper for them. In most cases, the person who had passed had done so alone in forced isolation, some from COVID-19 in a painful and horrible way, alone and without the basic comfort of human touch.

One day, I woke up with a thought:

Is it wrong to be glad that my mother died last year, and not during this pandemic?

I felt bad even thinking such a thought. Obviously, I’d rather still have my mother alive, but she was living in an assisted facility in the last stages of Alzheimer’s Disease. She would have been isolated, at high risk, and confused during this pandemic. We would not be able to visit, and she would not be able to understand us on the phone, or recognize us on the other side of a window. Also, if she died during this pandemic, we would not be able to gather as a family to grieve together.

So is it wrong that I am grateful that she did not hang on to die during this pandemic?

I had this conversation with my boss (a former psychiatrist), and she agreed. If her father had held on, she would not have been able to fly to him, or be with him as he passed. She agreed that it was a conflicting feeling, but that we were both valid in our gratitude.

Well maybe that is valid, but what about…

Four years ago, I was laid off/bought-out of my Booking Agent position. I have already expressed how blessed and lucky I am to be able to work from home, but I have watched the live entertainment industry adapting and cannibalizing itself, and think: thank the gods I am out!

Perhaps it speaks volumes that I feel badly for the artists that are suffering but I feel little sympathy for the agencies, management, or record industry. You would assume there would be some schadenfreude, but I really will feel horrible when agencies or management companies, especially those that have worked for 40+ years in the interest of the artists, start to fold. I know of one or two that will not be able to recover from these cancellations and 18-24 month postponement of payments. I should feel vindicated, but I only feel sad and worried.

Who is to say what s right and wrong? Who is to determine whether one’s feelings are valid or not? I will: You. You are the only one to answer these questions. And you are the only one to forgive yourself or allow yourself to feel the way you truly feel.

We all need to trust our feelings, especially now during this troubling time.

Trust in yourself.

Trust in your feelings.

Trust that you know yourself better than anyone.

Trust.

Marking Time When it All Blends Together

We, the blessed and lucky few who are able to work from home during this health crisis, are faced with a (privileged) dilemma:

When do work hours end and home hours begin?

Commuting
When going into the office, I used to take an early morning train that got me to my desk by 7:15 am each day, and I would leave the office around 4 pm to catch a train home.    Since that commute took an hour to 90 minutes door-to-door in each direction, I was reveling the idea of sleeping-in an hour later and “getting home” well before I normally did.  Depending on the train, I wouldn’t be home until 5:30 pm or later, which meant that we often had to prep dinner as soon as I walked in the door.  “Down” time didn’t occur until dinner was over and we were sitting on the couch.  In this new paradigm, my commute consists of walking downstairs and into my designated office space.  For the first week, I stuck to my old schedule, making sure I was online early and that I shut-down my computer no later than 4 pm.   We had time to decompress together and relax before the ritual of making dinner.

The following week, I slept-in on mornings that I knew I wasn’t needed right away, or continued working until I looked at the clock and realized it was 6:30 pm.  That has become the new schedule, or more aptly, the new unschedule.  Each day is different and I am finding it a challenge to be consistent.

Sleep and Healthy Living
One of the issues with this new normal is that I no longer take the 10k+ steps per day that I used to while commuting, running between offices (our team is split between the 3rd and 6th floors of adjoining buildings), or just getting up from my desk to talk to a colleague.  I have not been consistently wearing my tracker, but I can see on my phone that on March 10th I took 13,048 steps and today, one month later, I’ve taken only 232.  That decrease in movement, plus the access to extra ‘comfort’ foods in the house (not to mention access to a full kitchen), the heightened stress levels leading to eating those comforting snacks and having a drink after dinner to wind-down, all contribute to a shift in weight and in sleep cycles.  I find myself staying-up later watching “just one more episode” of something, or going down a YouTube rabbit hole, scrolling Facebook to see how my friends and family are coping, working on a puzzle, or planning a crafting project when I should be going to bed.  When I do go to bed, I do not sleep well, and end up trying to stay in bed later and later in the morning.

Earlier this week, I had to run down in my bathrobe to boot up my computer because I was later than normal and my boss needed something for a meeting she was in.  I had to find a time later in the morning to go back upstairs to shower, shave and brush my teeth before my first Zoom of the day.

Sustainable Office Space
My husband (also working from home) and I are doubly fortunate to have our own spaces to work in.  My husband’s space is definitely an office, complete with a large desk, bookshelves, printer, monitors, great natural lighting, and a carpet.  My office is a loud amalgamation of everything I love: the walls are covered in Shag prints, the ottoman that goes with the pull-out loveseat (my office is also the guest room) is usually covered in some work-in-progress crafting project, there is a record player, overfull bookshelves topped with Tiki mugs, statues and figurines, Lego minifigs over the door frames, a male dress form, a ukulele close at hand, an apothecary of herbs and bottled elixirs and tinctures, piles of books to be read on the floor, a cork board of memories and Disney pins, and a “desk” that holds 3 sewing machines (heavy duty, embroidery/everyday, and a serger).  I think my room frightens my husband with its ordered chaos.

Even though his space is designed and outfitted as an office, my husband is having a hard time configuring it to be conducive to working from home.  It was a personal office, not a work office.

My space is perfect for me for weekends and days off, but it’s not set-up for this everyday work situation.  The laptop screen was too low, so I am using a book/tablet stand that I had from IKEA to prop the laptop up, bringing the screen (and the camera) to a better angle and height.  Trying to type on that was awkward, though, so I bought a wireless keyboard and mouse combo.  The laptop, keyboard, and mouse take up so much space in front of the sewing machines, that I am cramped and have no space to write notes.  And not having a second screen, I have to take notes by hand while hosting Zoom meetings.  My colleague ordered a second screen, and I would consider it, but I just don’t have the room in this configuration, and I refuse to compromise my space.  Also, my chair was chosen for it’s design in the space, not for sitting in for 8 hours a day.  What little padding there is will eventually be depleted.

This set-up is working for now, but I don’t think it’s sustainable.  We will have to re-configure our spaces if this is going to last more than another month (and it looks like it will).  I see my colleagues (on video meetings) working from bedrooms, kitchen tables, coffee tables, or event taking calls from closets, and I think (again, of how lucky I am to have a space) how very temporary those situations are.  I have thought about moving around into different rooms, but my kitchen WiFi is too spotty, the dining room table is too close to my husband’s room (where he is filming video lessons and taking virtual meetings), the bedroom is too private, and the living room is not designed for working – only relaxing.

Thankfully, I am also lucky to not have kids or pets running around, demanding my attention when I am supposed to be working.  I cannot imagine juggling the schedule of meetings I’ve had with the schedule of a child or a dog that must be maintained.  My husband and I try to stay out of each other’s way, and close doors when we are on a call, so we do not disturb each other.  We make sure that we both take a lunch break, or at least eat something.  How do non-married roommates or groups of siblings, or whole families deal with this?

One important feature of how I have set-up my office is that I can take it down when I am done.  On Friday, at the end of the day, I close the laptop and put it, the keyboard, the mouse, and all my notebooks and files away to a corner of my room out of the way and out of sight.

Clocking-In and Clocking-Out
Of course, the hardest thing about all of this is the question: “When am I working and when am I not.”  As I said before, I really tried to keep to my normal schedule.  Perhaps after the exercise of writing this, I will try again next week, but what is the best way to do that?  Let’s break it down:

Email
When I was commuting (further than a flight of stairs), I would glance at my email on my phone as I was getting ready each morning, or on the train, to gauge how the day might go, and to check if any emergencies popped-up overnight.  I still do this (see the bathrobe story above), and even check my phone on weekends just to clear-out the spam or unimportant things so my Monday inbox is not soul-crushing.  This is the danger of having work email enabled on your phone.  I have colleagues who don’t, and I appreciate that as a tool to “clock off” and not be on call all the time, but it’s not something, after all this time, that I could (psychologically) do,.  However, unlike the music agency, this is a job where I can be offline when I need to.

Because our interactions have dramatically changed, I feel that communication within our office has suffered.  One would assume that an email, carefully worded, edited, and precisely crafted, could clearly convey a message.  As most of us know from experience, that is just not true.  This week, for example, one innocuous heads-up email from my colleague to our Directors turned into 8 back-and-forth emails between them before coming to me (not my colleague) with ‘”solutions” to a problem that didn’t even exist.  I had to then give them a full page email explaining what had already happened and why my colleague was giving them a heads-up.  If we had been in the office, those 2 hours of email (not to mention the cost of the Directors’ salaried hours) wouldn’t have been wasted, because it would have been cleared-up in a 3 minute face-to-face conversation.

It is probably best not to check email on our phones.  And if it’s a complicated or overly simple question, pick-up the phone or set-up a Zoom for clarity and efficiency.   

Meetings
Zoom has been great (especially for virtual happy hours and checking-in with friends), but it feels like we are scheduling a lot more meetings than normal and dedicating whole hour blocks to battling questions and conversations that could have taken much less time.  Perhaps we are all starting to feel starved of social interaction, so these Zoom meetings become forums where people can have conversations with someone other than those they are quarantined with, so everyone participates more.  Yet, when we schedule an office group social meeting, very few show up to chat and check-in.

We need to evaluate if each meeting is helping or hindering the work that needs to be done.

Breaks, Lunch and the Closing Bell
It’s now apparent to me how many times I got up from my desk to talk to someone, go to another office, go out to run an errand, or did some other activity other than sitting in front of my computer.  My desk was the reception area, so I saw everyone coming and going, kept an eye on coffee and tea levels, juggled conference room calendars, and found things for people in the supply closet.  This was active and interactive.  In the first week at home, I felt antsy and chalked it up to the stress of the situation.  Now, I think that it was because I was used to distractions and having many things and many people swirling around me.  I was missing that, and it was far too quiet and lonely here.

In the beginning, the days were packed with meetings, so breaks were only to grab coffee, go to the bathroom, or to grab food to eat lunch before then next meeting.  Gradually, it slowed-down and I found myself going to my husband’s office to check on him, load or unload the dishwasher, root through my fabric stash to find suitable mask material,  make banana bread with the overripe bananas, make french bread dough to freeze and have go-to bread when needed, reorganize the cabinets, swap the laundry…  I was finding reasons to leave my desk and take breaks.  I think that is keeping me sane.   I do need to add more activity to my day.  Maybe I will add to my “commute” by walking around the block each morning before work and each afternoon after.

Try to take short walks around the block (wearing a mask, of course), or find a productive use of break times, and try to actually take a lunch break instead of inhaling food when it is possible.  Also, make sure to shut-down all work activity when it is time to end the work day.

Verifiable Weekend
I had a student wish me a verifiable weekend the other day, which I thought was so perfect.  In this situation, what is it that you are doing to differentiate the days?  I hope I am not wrong when I assume that we all have days that blend together: we feel that Tuesday really felt like a Friday, or find ourselves staring blindly at the date, not comprehending how it could possibly be correct.  Did we skip a day?

In an attempt at a modicum of normalcy, my husband and I have made little efforts to differentiate the weekends from the weekdays, so I offer some suggestions:

Think of food differently: Friday nights are for pizza (frozen or delivery) or Chinese food, Saturday mornings are for cereal, Sunday mornings are brunch (mimosa or bloody mary optional), and Sunday evenings are for a roast or something special and a little bit more time-intensive.

Think of activities differently: Weekends are for puzzles, crafts, reading (for pleasure), writing, video games, naps, baking, and epic movies.  Weeknights are for shorter television programs, magazine articles, board games, listening to podcasts, virtual happy hour with friends, journaling, and discussing the day.

Think of clothing differently:  If you’ve been wearing pajama bottoms under your desk and a dress shirt and tie for your video calls during the week for work, fully dress for the weekend, or the other way around – fully dress for work, and spend the weekend in your pajamas.  People are posting about Fancy Friday (the antithesis to Casual Friday), where they dress in formal wear for the day.  Do you have clothes in your closet that you haven’t worn in a long time?  Now is the time to try them, since no one will see you in public.  During work, I’ve worn a kilt, some Haunted Mansion leggings, Black Panther sweatpants, a kimono, and I’ve changed outfits in the middle of the day to coordinate with my Zoom background or with what my boss is wearing.  Have a costume?  Wear that on the weekends, or show up to a video chat in it.

Don’t work.  That seems obvious, but it is very important.  And I say weekend to mean any two days you are not working, so your weekend could be Sunday and Monday, or Monday and Thursday, etc.  Just because you are living where you work, doesn’t mean work has to be your life.

Conclusion
To come back to our opening question:

When do work hours end and home hours begin?

Easy: When you choose.  Make an effort.  Now, more than ever, we need a healthy Work/Life balance…  No, scratch that: We need a healthy Life/Work balance.

Stay safe, everyone.

If you have any tips on what is working for you, or ideas of what others can do, please comment below.

Should we call it the COVID-19 or the Quarantine-15? Also: checking privilege

For many young people, the “Freshman 15” is a cautionary urban myth rather than a reality.  In theory, the freshman year at college is often the first time that one is living outside of home.  The student is learning to survive (eating cheap fast food or 10/$1 pasta), dealing with increased pressures and stress, and is not taking care of their own health – all of these changes can snowball into an unhealthy weight gain.

Unless you live under a rock (in which case: stay there!), you are aware that the majority of America’s 9-to-5, white-collar, salaried office workers are working remotely from home. We are all subject to the Quarantine 15.

With the American habit of gathering and hoarding food whenever there is a crisis (hurricane, blizzard, social unrest, tornado), stores are now running low and limiting quantities of paper products, disinfectants, hand sanitizer, and now yeast and flour.  Here in New England, when a blizzard is coming, the stores and news outlets joke about the desire for French Toast because everyone immediately runs out and buys bread, milk, and eggs.  Apparently, this has now caused a shortage of flour in stores because people are baking their own bread at home (now that they have the time).  The yeast shortage has made many turn to the joys of sourdough starters.  Refrigerators across the country now have bubbling, living sponges being fed daily like little Tamagotchi.

When we go to the store and see empty shelves, it must psychologically trigger an instinct or a fear in us that we should be getting as much as we can.  Who knows how long we will be stuck at home?  Of course, this also weakens our normal health-conscious resolves.  This will be a trying time – I should get some comfort food.  Maybe some Cheetos and soda and mac & cheese and frozen pizzas and chocolate and…  The problem is (at least for my friends and I) that a lot of those junk purchases get eaten in the car on the way home, or much earlier in the quarantine than expected.

Then there is spoilage.  My husband was sick for the first weeks of our working remotely, and all he would eat was chicken soup.  Salad greens went bad before we could eat all of them.  Vegetables got slimy.  I ended up having to make banana bread from the overripe bananas, blueberry muffins before the berries went bad (the freezer was full because I stuck everything else that might spoil in there), etc.  I was definitely snacking more because the soup wasn’t filling me up, and I ate his desserts or rolls when he didn’t.

In addition to eating more (or more often), I hadn’t realized just how much walking I was doing in my normal workday – not just commuting, but getting up from my desk to go talk to a colleague, or running an errand.  Now, my commute is MUCH shorter, and I have to use Zoom to see my co-workers.  There is definitely a drop in my daily steps.

I am worried about all of this causing weight gain, so I’m trying to walk around during calls, do some stretches and exercises when I can, and trying to resist the temptation of eating when I’m bored with sitting at my desk working.  I would go for walks or hikes, but we’ve had a lot of rain lately.  My husband would like to go out, but with his pneumonia, that’s not an option, either.

What are you doing to curb the Quarantine 15?
(comment below)

Checking our Privilege

This disruption to the daily routine is necessary and life-saving.  We have to learn to check our privilege before complaining, because we are able to continue our work remotely: we are not on the front line of dealing with this pandemic – those who are heroes and deserve our undying gratitude. – and we are not forced into unemployment.

Using that Privilege

While many of us are saving money by not commuting, not buying that latte or bagel sandwich each day, not going out for drinks after work, or not buying take-out to eat at our desks instead of the leftovers we brought, I hope that people will consider using those saved dollars to help those that are not as lucky as we are.

Give to the Artists (performers, creators, arts instructors, tattoo artists, small crafting business owners…) by seeing if they offer gift certificates or artwork you can buy online, or passes to next season, or look for online performances where you can send money to the performer.

With restaurants and bars closed to all but take-out or delivery, our servers and bartenders are out of work.  Here in Salem, we have Behind You, an organization that was created long before this pandemic.  They raise money to offer financial aid to food service employees that are unable to work due to illness or injury.  Find out if your area has a similar service.  It is also my hope that we will all learn to tip our servers a little better when we are allowed to go back out and gather again.

Grocery store workers could be the most under-protected at-risk group – and they are paid the least.  Obviously, the healthcare workers are the most at-risk, but they have procedures and access to protective gear (though news reports say not nearly enough).  Check your store’s policy on tipping your baggage handler.  If you are not able to give them money, give them a smile and a break from their hectic day.  Let them tell a story that you don’t want to hear.  Treat them with kindness (which you should be doing anyway) when they tell you that there is a limit on one of your items and you have to put one back.

I’ve seen pizza and meals being delivered to hospital staff from nearby communities.  Contact your local hospital administration to see if this is something you can do.

Check-in (by telephone) on elderly neighbors to see if they need anything.  Offer to go to the store (wear a mask and leave it outside their door) or offer to order something online for them, if they are unable.

If you do order grocery or food delivery, TIP YOUR DELIVERER MORE THAN USUAL.  They are risking their health, and the health of their family, so you can stay safe at home.

If you have the means and the ability, and you see someone struggling, reach out and offer assistance.

In Conclusion

I feel so lucky to be able to continue with my job, to get paid, to keep my health insurance, and to be given the resources I need to do my job.  I am privileged.  If there is something I can do to help others, I will.  I hope you will, too.

Please feel free to share your resources for helping others in the comments.