While waiting in line to buy the groceries for the Christmas Day meal we would prepare for the friends we had coming over, I instructed my husband to run 3 aisles down and grab a box of After Eight mints from the endcap.
“Why do you want these?” he asked.
Why? Because for almost 20 years, my parents hosted an open house on Christmas Eve. We would go to 4pm Mass, then come home and receive guests until after midnight, with my Mother and Father hosting all of their friends and family. My Uncle Jack would bring his mystery gift – he had an ongoing bet with his sisters, my Mom and Aunt, that if they guessed what the gift was based on a riddle he would write about it, he would pay their mortgage for a year. We kids, the cousins (9 total) would pour over the riddle to try to guess what it was. No one ever did guess in all the years this contest continued.
My parents’ friends, people we would see only on this night, or monthly, or weekly, were an exciting and eclectic group of co-workers, childhood friends, bandmates, actual family, chosen family, and neighbors. There were years when my Dad brewed homemade beer or there was a specialty cocktail that one guest brought a carafe of. My Mom would spend most of the days leading-up to Christmas Eve making cranberry tartlets, fudge, cookies, meatballs, mini kielbasa cooked in beer, cranberry orange bread, and other delights, and I would always help out in these preparations. This is likely where and why my love of hosting parties started. She had a Christmas tablecloth that we only saw on these two days of the year, and crystal and china that were only used for holidays. I see now the hard work and preparation that all of this took, but also the joy and laughter that these gatherings inspired. We had singing, laughter, and saucy jokes. Of course, as kids, we really only saw the gifts that the guests would bring us (we got to open them immediately!!!) and how the glass of yellow liquid (dubbed “Barbara Giggle Juice”) would make our family friend rosy and giggly, and that a cacophony of singing voices, laughter, conversation, and smiles made our home the most exciting place to be. I remember many a Christmas Eve when I fought to stay up and not be put to bed because I didn’t want to leave that all downstairs, even with the promise of Santa’s gifts in the morning.
One staple at this Open House: After Eight Mints. While certain candies or sweets were kept on the counter in jars year-round for my Dad, or for visitors, these thin, minty, creamy, wafer-thin delights in their own individual envelopes only appeared on this one night. A fancy treat. An indulgence.
So when I saw them 3 aisles over, I knew they were just the thing to have when friends were coming over to fill our home with laughter and love.
The tablecloth was still on the table in the wee hours of the morning when we would stomp down the stairs trying to wake our parents so we could all open presents. What little bastards we were, in hindsight. They were probably hungover and had only gotten to bed a few hours before. Ah youth!
Note: This is the second installment of a two part series. Part 1 can be found here.
Background: In an earlier post from April, I offered advice on creating a “Verifiable Weekend” while working from home by either creating or breaking routines (if you missed it, I suggest taking a look at Making Time When It All Blends Together – the weekend section is at the end). With all of our travel plans cancelled and the inability to leave (or return to) the state without a 72-hour COVID-19 negative test, health attestation application, or 14-day quarantine, I have not really thought about taking vacation time. As the end of Summer looms here in New England, and as the Zoom fatigue starts bearing down, however, maybe now is the time to take some time away. I blocked time in my boss’ calendar to make sure she took some time off to de-stress and re-center. I should do the same for myself, and so should you.
Part 2: What if you can leave your house, but can’t leave the state?
Part 1 focused on suggestions for those that have to stay at home. Part 2 will broaden the scope to those that are healthy enough to travel locally, but cannot cross state lines. Since I live in Salem, I will be highlighting day trips within Massachusetts – however, I hope the ideas might inspire you to search for similar trips in your area.
Where to begin?
Planning: The key to any successful trip, in my opinion, is very careful planning. I chose those words intentionally – I am not saying completely planning every moment, but thinking strategically about the entire trip and being carefully selective in planning key elements. Taking the time to research and make these plans ahead of your vacation will ensure that your time on vacation is spent relaxing and enjoying yourself.
One thing that is very important to schedule: Serendipity. Wait, what?!? “But Eric!”(I hear you say) “Serendipity is defined as the occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way. How can I schedule that?!” When planning your vacation, be sure to schedule free time to let unexpected things happen.
Consider these scenarios: After arriving at your destination, a local gives you a suggestion of something you simply must do when you are there. If you’ve scheduled every moment, you would be forced to chose whether or not to cancel one of your plans to fit the new adventure in. Or maybe, because you’ve scheduled so many activities or tours, there is no time to enjoy the beautiful pool, the fire pit, or the hot tub where you are staying. What if something took longer than you expected on your Day 1 itinerary? If you’ve scheduled serendipity for Day 3, you can go back and finish anything you skipped, or go back to check out that quirky-looking antique book store that you quickly passed during the hidden secrets walking tour.
Or, if you are adventurous, you can throw caution to wind and play Lobby Brochure Roulette! Each member of your party closes their eyes and grabs a random brochure, then everyone agrees on one of those chosen (depending on cost, distance, if reservations are needed, physical limitations, etc), and that is what you are doing for the day! As a very good friend of ours used to say:
Let whimsy be your blind date!
James Nance, Gentleman & Scholar
Of course, please also schedule downtime. If you go on three major hikes in three days, you are going to need some time to rest and recover.
Day Trips
A few years ago, I noticed that we worked so hard during the week that we never thought about the weekend until we were in it. Sick of wasting time, and longing to do some of the things we always talked about doing, I filled a jar with day trip ideas. The plan was that we would choose one (Friday night or early in the morning) and that would be what we would do. Here is the list I came up with all those years ago, in case you want to start your own Day Trip Jar (again, this is only going to appeal to the Massachusetts crowd, but note there are some out-of-state options included): DAY TRIPS
Here in Massachusetts, we are in phase 3, step 1 of reopening, which allows for restaurants (indoor and outdoor), hotels, museums, gyms, outdoor venues, and movie theaters to be open. All businesses that have been allowed to open so far have been given very specific and strict restrictions and regulations to keep both their employees and the public safe.
Please research and adhere to all regulations posted by each place you visit. Most businesses require you to wear a mask when in their establishment, and to practice social distancing requirements. A good rule of thumb, when in doubt, is to wear your mask and stay 6 feet from others, even if it is not required. Be a good citizen. Protect yourself and help to protect others.
Finding the Fun:Vacations should be relaxing, yes, but they should also be fun. Whether you have a family, are a solo traveler, or it’s just the two of you, remember to play.
Play Tourist: Is there a museum, attraction, or historic spot in your own home town that you have never been to because that’s for tourists?! Well now is your chance to be a tourist. In all likelihood, the crowds that usually flock to these places are not doing so right now, so you will have the luxury of it not being crowded, and you will be supporting your local economy. Find a walking tour, either self-guided, or by a local expert. We are lucky enough to have Salem Food Tours, and I expect the nationwide trend of eating/playing/drinking locally means that you probably have one in your city, or one nearby. Maybe you can find a tour of haunted places, or hop on a Segway, a trolley, a kayak, a schooner, or a duck boat that brings you all around the city. You’ll be surprised at the things you learn, and you’ll be better prepared with options when you have future visitors that are looking for something to do.
Play Photojournalist: Here on this blog, I tend to let the photos speak for themselves (see Salem Willows, Witchcraft Victims’ Memorial in Danvers, and the Atlanta Botanical Gardens, for examples), usually because I’ve taken too many photos! Try to be more like the staff of The Atlantic: take your camera (or camera phone) with you and take photos of everything you see, noting special details on a small pocket notebook (or in your phone’s Notes), so when you get home, you can create a full narrative of your day. Try making a short slideshow video with narration or subtitles and post it to YouTube, or start a blog and write-out a full story, weaving the photos throughout. If you are a savvy social media Influencer, create interest in your content by posting the photos in a series, releasing one photo at a time with accompanying captions on Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram, Twitter, or Tik Tok. Heck, you could even create your own book to give as gifts! In the same way that playing tourist in a familiar place can make you see things you’ve overlooked, photographing something with the intent to convey the feeling and sense of a place to someone else can be a wonderful exercise in seeing the world in a unique and meaningful way.
Play Researcher: We don’t have children, but this is definitely the kind of thing we would do with them on a regular basis if we did:
1. Pick a location.
2. Go to the Library (or the internet, if your libraries aren’t open) and do research pertinent to that location.
3. Visit the location, where the Researcher acts as guide and teacher for everyone else.
Examples: Pick a historic place and have the researcher point out the things they learned in their research. Find an autobiography of a local person and visit their home, or all of the local places mentioned in the book. Choose a specific period/style/culture and visit an art, history, or science museum, where the researcher acts as docent. Learn about local flora and fauna and take a walk in a nearby forest, beach, or tide pool, where the researcher can identify specimens. Choose one animal or a remote location (like the Serengeti) and visit a zoo where the researcher can teach about the natural habitat or attributes of the animals. Choose a city block that contains many different architectural styles or features and point out the ones they have learned about. Learn about the three major classical orders of columns (Doric, Ionic, & Corinthian) then walk around a city and point them out.
Several of the items found on the Day Trips list lend themselves to these approaches, and I believe these approaches bring a form of engagement to your activities that can make everyone appreciate and enjoy the trip in a special way.
Overnight Trips
As I mentioned earlier, hotels are now open (with restrictions), as well as campgrounds, home shares, and B&B’s in Massachusetts. Basically, the only things not open are arenas, gambling facilities, theme parks, and other high-capacity venues, along with any non-medical close contact services (massage, waxing, etc.). So if your plans involve large gatherings or a stranger getting up-close-and-personal, then you are out of luck.
A lot of the same rules and ideas apply, but keep in mind: 1. Research what is open and what the local regulations are. 2. Wear a mask (bring several – at least one per day, or plan to disinfect it). 3. Always stay socially distant from those people that are not part of your pandemic pod. 4. Find out if you may need to reserve a specific time to enter certain museums or buildings, and plan accordingly. 5. Check all of the meal options in the area. Do the restaurants offer delivery or pick-up? Consider packing a cooler with pre-made muffins, sandwiches, charcuterie, snacks and water to limit the contact with delivery persons to one meal per day. 6. Pack disinfecting wipes, disposable gloves, and hand sanitizer.
Hotels: If you walk into a hotel and the person behind the desk is not wearing a mask (or wearing it incorrectly), turn right around and stay somewhere else. This goes for any member of the staff.
If you can, check before you book if the hotel is making safety a priority. Feel free to call them and ask what they are doing to curb the pandemic. If you do not feel comfortable with their practices, book somewhere else. The most important thing right now is that you feel safe during your vacation.
Camping: My husband’s idea of camping is staying on the Club Level at the Wilderness Lodge, but we have family with RVs and campers. I think those that have the money (and parking space) for an RV are the luckiest during this time. While some campgrounds still remain closed, there are many that are open with restrictions (communal bathing houses and restrooms are hard to control). If your hotel room is on wheels in an RV, you have the most control over your environment. You know if every surface has been thoroughly disinfected, and you can sleep in comfort knowing that you are safe. Unfortunately, this is a luxury most of us cannot afford. If you are camping in a tent, the idea is similar, however, you may be beholden to using the campground public facilities, which can be risky.
Home Sharing: Unlike corporate hotels, Home Share sites have no governance when it comes to requiring compliance with CDC guidelines and keeping a safe and clean accommodation. I suggest, when making your search for such an accommodation, that you only consider properties where you can contact the owner directly and can ask them how they clean the house between guests. If you do go this route, I would highly recommend bringing your own disinfecting wipes and cleaning products. This is easily done, since you are likely driving to this location – no flight restrictions!
Cash or Card?: COVID-19 has further divided the populace on the question of cash vs. card. I have seen both extremes, with a drive-through cashier refusing to handle a card (even with gloves) to gas station attendants not accepting cash. It’s hard to know what you will face, so I suggest being ready to use either. Remember: you are the visitor, the guest, in this place – act with grace and humility. If someone balks at you handing them cash, whip out your card, do NOT argue with them or become a Karen. They are risking their health, and the health of their families to provide you with whatever service you are asking for, so please be civil and patient.
Packing Clothing: Unfortunately, I think you will have to pack twice as much as you normally would. We don’t really know how long the coronavirus can stay active on clothing, but if an asymptomatic carrier should cough on you, or you somehow brush against a hard surface that is infected, you are not going to want to wear that clothing again until it’s been washed and disinfected. Pack large zip seal bags in your suitcase to collect dirty laundry, and wash your hands thoroughly after putting them in the bags. When you get home, wear gloves when handling the laundry, or wash thoroughly after putting them in the machine. Make sure you use a high heat setting on the dryer.
Scared yet?
It is certainly not my intention to frighten you out of taking a vacation – just the opposite. I want you to have the vacation you deserve and to do so in a healthy, relaxing, and memorable way. It’s in my nature to plan for the worst and expect the best, but I am also an advocate for adding fun and frivolity to everyday life to keep it interesting.
I hope you enjoyed this series of posts. I’d love to hear your thoughts on how you make the most of your vacation time during a pandemic, and if you’ve taken any of my ideas, I’d absolutely love to hear how it went! Leave a comment below.
Last year, I lost my mother in May, my boss lost her father in August, and then I lost my aunt (my Mom’s sister) in November (on the same day my father had passed 9 years earlier). All of them had dealt with illnesses that had tinged the dark, deep grief with a dim glow of relief that they were no longer suffering. At the time it feels wrong to have that little glow of relief, but I have learned to accept it. Now, when a friend is grieving in the same way, the comfort I can offer them is the acknowledgment that this dichotomy of emotions is not only healthy and valid, but can be tapped into to gain the strength to get through the celebrations and obligations that are part of this process.
We have seen a few friends lose parents or siblings during this global pandemic and systemic lock down, and my heart always grieves a little deeper for them. In most cases, the person who had passed had done so alone in forced isolation, some from COVID-19 in a painful and horrible way, alone and without the basic comfort of human touch.
One day, I woke up with a thought:
Is it wrong to be glad that my mother died last year, and not during this pandemic?
I felt bad even thinking such a thought. Obviously, I’d rather still have my mother alive, but she was living in an assisted facility in the last stages of Alzheimer’s Disease. She would have been isolated, at high risk, and confused during this pandemic. We would not be able to visit, and she would not be able to understand us on the phone, or recognize us on the other side of a window. Also, if she died during this pandemic, we would not be able to gather as a family to grieve together.
So is it wrong that I am grateful that she did not hang on to die during this pandemic?
I had this conversation with my boss (a former psychiatrist), and she agreed. If her father had held on, she would not have been able to fly to him, or be with him as he passed. She agreed that it was a conflicting feeling, but that we were both valid in our gratitude.
Well maybe that is valid, but what about…
Four years ago, I was laid off/bought-out of my Booking Agent position. I have already expressed how blessed and lucky I am to be able to work from home, but I have watched the live entertainment industry adapting and cannibalizing itself, and think: thank the gods I am out!
Perhaps it speaks volumes that I feel badly for the artists that are suffering but I feel little sympathy for the agencies, management, or record industry. You would assume there would be some schadenfreude, but I really will feel horrible when agencies or management companies, especially those that have worked for 40+ years in the interest of the artists, start to fold. I know of one or two that will not be able to recover from these cancellations and 18-24 month postponement of payments. I should feel vindicated, but I only feel sad and worried.
Who is to say what s right and wrong? Who is to determine whether one’s feelings are valid or not? I will: You. You are the only one to answer these questions. And you are the only one to forgive yourself or allow yourself to feel the way you truly feel.
We all need to trust our feelings, especially now during this troubling time.
Small Stuff 