Don’t overlook or devalue the highlights of life,
Blind from the deep shadows of the darker times.
Varying in magnitude, or existing in perfect balance,
Cherish each crest and dip simply for being
And celebrate your ability to experience it.
A stream-of-consciousness list of corresponding emotional points over the last 10 days (May 14-23, 2023):
Mother’s Day, this year, happened to coincide with the 4th anniversary of my Mother’s passing. We were coming home from a weekend away with friends and I chose to quietly honor her memory by myself and not remind others about it. I avoided social media and threw myself into sewing and cleaning once we got home.
After a routine colonoscopy discovered an aggressive form of colon cancer attacking my brother, he went in for surgery to have it removed one year ago today (May 23). The procedure took longer than anticipated, but, by all accounts, was successful and the surgeons were confident they removed all of the cancer. We were all hopeful and thankful. A few hours later, I received a phone call to tell me that he had not woken up from recovery and was non-responsive. He had suffered a massive stroke, but since he was in recovery from the surgery, they were not sure how long his brain had been without oxygen. When they revived him, the cancer care was put to the side while they focused on recovery from the stroke. Months and months of physical, speech and occupational therapy have both shown results and taken their toll, emotionally and financially. Last week, (the Wednesday after Mother’s Day) his PET scan showed that the cancer has metastasized to the lungs, stomach and pelvis. Stage 4. Terminal.
We were all devastated. Within minutes, I had flights and a hotel in my cart and had talked to my boss, but his wife said that they would come up here to see as many people as possible, rather than having people come there. Whichever path he chooses going forward, I will respect it and celebrate his life while he is here to celebrate with.
Last Friday, I went to celebrate a friend’s birthday at Kowloon. We share a love of rum and mid-century pseudo-Polynesian Tiki kitsch, so I was excited to go, especially since the owners had recently announced they were looking to sell the iconic property to a developer and downsize the business to take-out only. It was a fun and wonderful evening, even when we acknowledged it was the anniversary of a friend’s passing 2 years earlier. She had passed very suddenly and unexpectedly, leaving her spouse and small child.
Saturday, I took part in a cabaret fundraiser for the local YMCA. We were raising money to assist children in attending their after school arts programs. It was a fun, “let’s put on a show” – Judy Garland & Andy Rooney kind of affair – a great distraction, and it was wonderful to be on stage again after so long. Our friend’s child takes part in this arts programming, and while it was wonderful to see his filmmaking, and to witness what an amazing, compassionate young man he is becoming, it made me sad to think of his mother not being there, and how he and his surviving parent must feel that emptiness in these situations so keenly.
Sunday, I volunteered for the first ever Salem Cat Scavenger Hunt. I walked around town (14,000+ steps!) assisting teams with hints when they were stuck on clues, and acted as a “bonus” item for anyone that took a picture with me in my cat shirt. Again, it was another welcome distraction from the emotional rollercoaster of the preceding days – this time without a sad undertone. Talking to visitors and hearing their perspectives and thoughts is what brings me back to doing this kind of volunteer work, and cat people (we have 2 now) are a . . . unique, passionate, and quirky group. It was a busy and tiring weekend!
Yesterday (Monday), my husband called me in the middle of the day – a rare occurrence, since he is a teacher and should have been in class. He, very calmly, said to me:
We just had an announcement that there is an active shooter on campus. We were told to ‘get down or get out.’ You never know how these things will go, so I was calling to tell you I love you. The students fled and I am gathering my stuff to leave.
When he hung up, my heart dropped into my stomach and I began to shake. I pulled his contact up on my screen and refreshed the location feature constantly. After 5 minutes of watching his locator not move from his office, I was frantic. He texted me to say that he couldn’t leave. He had tried to go down the stairs, but heard someone yell “Get down on the ground!” below, so he quietly walked back to his office, locked the door, and turned off the lights. For over an hour, neither of us knew what was going on. He was alone and isolated in a dark room with the potential of harm or death at any moment, his only connection to the outside world through text. I was alone in our condo trying to find news reports, waiting for texts from him, and updating the half dozen individual and group chats of friends that had heard about it. In the end, it was a hoax call (swatting) that escalated when a local officer’s gun went off in one of the school bathrooms accidentally. Suddenly, a few local policemen were joined by other town police, a SWAT team, and the State police. He was stuck in the dark office for over an hour while they swept every building, gathered everyone up and escorted them to a central location. We are both home today. He because classes were suspended to make time for counseling and planning; me because I want to be here when he needs to be hugged or needs to talk about it.
He tells the story from his perspective eloquently and in the same calm voice he spoke to me in.
Perspective:
I am (relatively) healthy. My husband is alive and by my side. I am lucky.
Connection:
We have friends and family that care about us and that we care about. Shared experiences and interests can connect us, even if we are strangers.
Acceptance:
Death is inevitable. Safety is never guaranteed. Life/plans/priorities can change in an instant. It can be caused by a medical test, a phone call, a decision made, or through the actions of others.
Small Stuff 