Anything but searching for jobs.

One that pays me.

You wouldn’t believe how many times I get these questions.  I understand it.  From an outside perspective, they are ‘safe’ questions to ask after those old chestnuts: “Any prospects?” or “How is the job search going?”

I have been guilty of it.  I’m sure we all have.  You feel bad for the poor friend that has lost his job and hasn’t found a new one yet.  You mentally knock-on-wood and briefly feel thankful for the job you were just complaining about 15 minutes earlier.  “There, but for the grace of…” and all that.  This is where those questions stem from.  I appreciate that they care enough to ask, but then it is up to me to change the subject before either of us gets too uncomfortable.

This must be how new mothers or pregnant women feel.  People are always asking them questions about (sometimes very) personal issues that are really none of their business and would be embarrassing in any other circumstance.  Picture a couple on a romantic date in a restaurant.  No one walks up to one of the diners and asks if his/her date sleeps through the night, if either of you were still breastfeeding, or how much weight you gained and lost in the last few months…at least, not in the restaurants I go to.

I am an open book, and have no problem telling you the truth: It’s a tough time to be unemployed.  There are too many of us looking, and the economy can’t handle all of us.  Two of the jobs I applied for went unfilled because the position or department (both State jobs) lost funding and were terminated.  The skills I have are not what people are looking for, especially in someone my age (more on that in a later post, maybe).  Whatever job I find will pay me 25-30% of the salary I was getting, not even taking into account the benefits, profit sharing, bonuses or travel that were all perks of my last job.  Some of the jobs I am applying for would pay me less than what I am currently receiving from unemployment insurance payments.  How depressing is that?  Talk about a party conversation killer.  Besides, I live with this on a daily (and in the waking hours of the night) basis.  I am always thinking of these things.  There is no need for you to bring it up when I am trying to enjoy myself.  Perhaps I came to this party to forget about my troubles.

More often than not, the question, or line of questioning, says more about you than the person being questioned.  We all project our own insecurities and fears when confronted with something uncomfortable.  Think of any conversation you’ve had at a wake, or when someone is diagnosed with a terminal disease.  You cannot help but think of how you would handle, or wouldn’t be able to handle, being in the same situation.  In those particular scenarios, I’ll take being unemployed over sick, dead, or losing my husband.  If someone asks me if I’m worried because I haven’t found something yet, that tells me that that is how they would be feeling at this point.  “What is it you want to be doing?” could almost be them asking themselves that out loud.  Again, I’ve seen people reassess their (often unhappy) current job, because although it is easy to say “I hate my job, I’m going to quit!” my reality is there in front of them.  I didn’t choose this, and it is difficult.

Perhaps it is a defense mechanism, but people really like to tell me how much they hate their jobs, as if saying that I’m lucky that I don’t have to work.  I am at a point where I am ready to say: “Fine. Quit. I will take your job!”

What do I want to be doing?
Not searching through dozens of job listing sites every day.  Not worrying about being able to pay bills.  Not having to apply for jobs that are written for recent college graduates.  Not stalking the HR Director that is notorious for not responding, even if the position is perfect for you, and then watching her post the opening for the 3rd time.  Not thinking about my husband’s birthday in 2 weeks, and how I can’t get him anything.  Not trying to explain how I know that I can do this job, even if it isn’t apparent on paper.  Not having a great interview and follow-up that leads to silence.  Not checking my resume for the 115th time because “____ didn’t give me an interview because there had to be a typo.”  Not being kept awake all night worrying.  I want to be working and earning my keep.

What would be my ideal job?
One that pays me for doing my work.  One that I am interested in.  If I could afford to live, I have always thought that I could be happiest selling popcorn on Main Street, USA in Walt Disney World.  I would be in the happiest place I know, making people happy, and I would never have to check email or voicemail as soon as I wake up and before I go to sleep.  I guess if I could become a VIP Guest Guide for Disney, that would be ideal.

I should have better answers for these questions, I know; but I don’t.

I lost my job after 11 years at one company.  True, it was a career that I didn’t go looking for, but it was a company that I was committed to, and I was good at it, so I had decided long ago that this was my career path.  Now that it is gone, I am leaving that career (for many reasons).  The marketable skill from that experience would most easily be translated to Sales in any field.  I am not a huge fan of the sleazier side of sales (see Why I Won’t be a Car Salesman), so of all of the applications I have sent out, sales positions probably represented a bit less than a third.  Today, I had an interview for an Events position.  For the past 20 years, I have been coordinating events on both a local and global scale, but if you just read what’s on my resume, that might be missed.  I was granted the interview for political reasons, but otherwise, I wouldn’t have been brought in.  Even if I explain in detail on my cover letter why I think I’m qualified for a particular job, there is no guarantee that it will be read or believed.  The interview is where my real skills shine through, not on paper, at least according to the last few interviewers.

So, I guess I’ll still keep searching and thinking about all this.  Maybe next time you ask, I’ll have answers for you.

But don’t feel like you have to ask.